A New Chapter Begins

2017 promises thousands of challenges, experiences, excitements and of course surprises to all of us. As for me, 2017 is a year for adventuring more realities; work, families and relationships. Three vital elements with different responsibilities to carry on; I believe by preparing myself with effective tools will help me to go through 2017 in a good way.

#EffectiveTools1 - Books

Reading BOOKS in the context of papers and not the paperless faceBOOK is a powerful habit which is hardly seen among us nowadays. In fact, I myself could not remember when was the last time I really read a book until The End. Having myself too attached to the gadget has actually lessen the way I perceive the world by reading books. Darling Hubby bought a few books last year and deep inside I admire his interest in different genre of books. But me, on the other side is very selective with my reading preference. No wonder Darling Hubby is very critical with his thinking which at times I wish I can be the same but yeah, that is why he compliments me. 

I want to be a better me and in order to achieve more this year, I am planning to read at least 4 books from different genre i.e. i) novel from the latest Ramlee Awang Murshid - I need something thrilling this year; ii) retail or real estate readings which highlights the important or fundamental elements of the industry; iii) business or entrepreneur kind of reading (for beginners) as I need to be equipped with more knowledge in this field by end of 2017; and iv) parenting book. I already have no. (i) and (iv) on the book shelf waiting to be read so now what I need to do is to focus on the time frame so that I can accomplish my target.

#EffectiveTools2 - Circle of Friends

Friends can be those who know you from A to Z; or those who do not really know you but still bring an impact in your life. I have different circle of friends back in my schooling and working years. I realize that my life has turned 360 degree once I become a mother. A lot of things which I enjoyed doing with my friends had to be put on hold due to my current status as a mother and a long distance hubby-wifey relationship. I never expected that I will be in this kind of situation whereby the circle of friends became much smaller and those friends who have the A to Z details about me seems more distance physically. I could not attend special occasions with my friends if Darling Hubby is not around. To bring along my precious sons out without Darling Hubby is quite burdensome and I will try to avoid taking the risks; for safety reason. 

However, I can still cherish my relationships with my friends by using social media as one of the platforms to strengthen the bond. Wishing them all happiness on their special days; comforting them with positive words; even by liking their posts on Facebook is the least that I can do but still it is the thought that counts. Thanks to Facebook and WhatsApp for this. Being surrounded by friends (true friends) can be such a great deal and whenever I got the chance to do so (physically or virtually); I will not let the moments go. So, appreciate your friends and never give up on thinking about them because your life is more meaningful when they are around.

    

#EffectiveTools3 - Lifestyle

I am 30 already! I am now a Master of my own self. I know myself better and with that, I am deciding to make some changes in my lifestyle this year. To begin with, let's start with the food intake. I am planning to cook on my own; to prepare for my breakfast and if possible lunch box as well. This will minimize my time thinking of what to have for lunch. Hehe.. Since Ilyas has started schooling this year, I will definitely try to equip him with Mama's cooking everyday. Thanks to the oven bought last year; I got the opportunity to experience many exciting moments of cooking! More recipes to explore here - http://bit.ly/bfcomtasty. Next, I want to have more physical activities with my boys this year. I am still learning several steps on physical fitness from Youtube and hopefully I can apply those exercises with them everyday; lighter exercise on weekdays and heavy steps during weekends. And I want to start again my walkabouts routine at work (at least 20 minutes a day). Being fit; that is my target!

Basically, food and exercise are the main things that I would like to change first. These two factors are achievable provided I am committed to what I am targeting. I want to start with small things which can bring out great results. An inspiring quotes from my Darling Hubby;

"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way"         

                                - Mohd Hafiz bin Mohamed Esa (2016)

I guess the above are not that hard to accomplish and they are achievable. I am hoping this year will be more exciting and looking forward to the results of these #EffectiveTools! Wish me luck, guys! Welcome 2017!

The end. Thank you! =)

7 Days Love Spouse Challenge

For the past 6 days, I have been posting pictures of Darling Hubby and I (on my Facebook wall) in acceptance of the 7 Days Love Spouse Challenge. In the challenge, I have to post any pictures of us and tag another two friends to do the same. As for someone who rarely post pictures and updates on marriage life; I feel a little bit emotional throughout these 7 days. Not sure how others react to the challenge but these are my reactions in response to the challenge:-

Day #1 - "Aku Terima Nikahnya..."

Darling Hubby was my senior in my Secondary School. Honestly, I only knew him by his name because he was our Sports Team Leader back in 1999. It is normal in school that those athletic boys will attract additional attention from the opposite gender. But that was NOT the selling point. Haha! To cut the story short, we met again virtually on Friendster somewhere in 2009; got engaged on 29 May 2010 and officially married on 26 November 2011. So, when people asked me why am I getting married to someone who I only knew less than a year? There's no definite answer to that question until the solemnization ended with sekali lafaz "Aku terima nikahnya..." by him. Allah tentukan lelaki ini adalah jodohku. 

Day #2 - "Jasa Ibu Bapa Tidak Terbalas, Sokongan Suami Membuah Kejayaan"

I had the thought of pursuing my Master's Degree while I was working in Petaling Jaya. My dad said, "Kalau nak sambung belajar, balik Johor. Biar ayah tanggung kos belajar semua. Nana belajar je sampai habis". I was reluctant at the first place, considering how much money my dad had spent on my studies and I did not want to burden him anymore. But Allah knows best. With the struggles, parents' blessings and continuous support from Darling Hubby; we have finally made it and Ilyas (our first son) was in my womb during my convocation. Beautiful moment indeed!

Day #3 - "Like A Rainbow After The Rain"

Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is very complicated. I told Darling Hubby that LDR is not normal. We are abnormal couple and I want to put an end to this LDR. I used to question myself "Why me? Why us?" Again, there is no answers for my thought and I realize that I shall remove this kind of thought from my mind and try to make any goods out of this LDR. Do you know what is the BEST lesson learnt from LDR? It is COMMUNICATION. Allow me to share some information on this:-

• Always find a time to speak to your partner EVERYDAY. Be it in the morning, afternoon, evening or at night; make sure you call your partner EVERYDAY. Why? In LDR, physical presence is impossible but you can replace it with your voice. By hearing your partner's voice, it will make you feel at ease and it is some sort of reliever for me. I know whether he is ill, happy, mad etc. by hearing his voice.
• Do not hide anything from your partner even though he is far apart, always remember that we have this "instinct" in our relationship. For a few times, I had tried not to tell everything that happened to me during the day (I thought it was nothing) but the day after; without realizing I had accidentally summarized what had happened yesterday. Haha! 
• Avoid third parties' involvement in any conflicts between you and your partner. Regardless any issues; if you think that somehow it has an impact to your marriage, please do not disclose anything until you and your partner have discussed on the issues at the first place. Your marriage is your own responsibility.
• Ask Allah for His Guidance when you are in doubt; that is the BEST approach of all.

Day #4 - "The More The Merrier"

It took us a while to plan for our second child because I was afraid that my eldest son will not be happy or satisfied with the arrival of his new sibling. I was terrified knowing that children with lack of love and attention will become rebellious and everything that concerns me was actually came from my perspective and not from my son's perspective. Once again, Allah is the BEST planner. My second son was born right after Ilyas reached his 2 years of age. Honestly, I did not know that 3 years' interval for each child is advisable (could not remember where I read the article). For what I know, I am now enjoying myself as a mother of two amazing heroes and a wife to my superhero.

Day #5 - "Time Together"

Our very first short trip to Desaru Beach before Ramadhan this year with our little family; it was amazing! In LDR, time is extremely precious to us and we will optimize the time by having as many activities as we can for the purpose of togetherness. The more we spent our time together, the more we feel loved and believe it or not; LDR encourages more excitement in our marriage!

Day #6 - "Our Remarkable Syawal"

We celebrated First Syawal this year with our little family; Darling Hubby, sons and I. It was awkward especially for me who always celebrate Syawal with everybody (big family) around me. Only this year I got a strange feeling as my parents were back to my mom's hometown in Penang and I was in Johor Bahru celebrating Syawal with my in laws. It was a wonderful experience anyway and I have learned that quantity is not a contributor to a meaningful moments; but quality is. I enjoyed every moments of Syawal with everyone! Thanks, my dear Darling Hubby for ensuring that I am not overwhelmed with the thought that I was alone. 

Day #7 - "I Love You"

Finally, today is the last day of the challenge and I am glad that I am ON this challenge. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has directly or indirectly involved in spreading the love around. We need more love in this world and to those who might feel offended or annoyed by my posts; please forgive me as my intention is only to freshen up the moments between me and my spouse so that we will appreciate one another even more.

Last but not least, never stop loving everyone! Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin!

The end. Thank you! =)

HIM Whom I Love

I wanted to write an entry for him, especially for him yesterday. I would like him to know how grateful I am to finally welcome him to this world. But due to time constraint, I can only make it up today. A meaningful story of him.. 

It was a year ago, 16/09/2014;

It was 12 midnight and Ilyas was sleeping soundly beside me while I had to bear with the pain in my stomach. I had stomach cramp since Maghrib. I couldn't move a lot and I have decided to lay down and took a nap while waiting for Darling Hubby to come back home. Will it be today? At this hour? Darling Hubby told me to get ready to the hospital. I said I need more time to finish reading this zikir book given by my mother when I was first pregnant with Ilyas. This book is really helpful to keep me calm and feel at ease during contractions. After I kissed Ilyas and asked for my parents' forgiveness, I went straight away to the hospital with the contractions felt in every 10 minutes.

I have already dilated at 4cm when I reached the hospital. At 6cm, I was moved to the labour room and it was 4 in the morning. I was lucky because Darling Hubby was with me all the time. The contractions became more stronger and this time I couldn't keep calm because the Doctor said I need to wait until 10cm dilated but I couldn't wait for more than 10 seconds! I had to endure the pain in order to avoid any inconvenience due to my health problem. I kept on asking the Nurse, "Boleh saya push sekarang? Saya rasa dah nak bersalin ni". She might get annoyed with me but I couldn't help it, sorry.. With Bismillah and Selawat, she assisted me really well and after fourth time pushing, he made his first appearance in front of Darling Hubby and I. Alhamdulillah..

"He is a strong boy"

That was the first thing that I had in mind while touching his bare face. I couldn't describe the feeling in words but enough to say that he has a look which can melt my heart and make me cry. 

Muhammad Ikmal Hakimi at 1 day old =)

Giving birth to him was a real challenge and the experience I had with him in the hospital was dramatically mournful. I tried not to recall the memories of us in the hospital as it has a big and negative impact to me emotionally, to be specific. As a mother, I want only the best for my baby. What happened back then was beyond my expectation and I pray that Allah will keep those memories away from him.

"He is a survivor"

His jaundice level was inconsistent and on Day 7 of his life, he went through a phototheraphy treatment. He was warded in the evening and I told the Doctor that I wanted to accompany him but all babies need to stay at their cot during the treatment and I was advised not to hold onto him too often except for feeding session only. That night before I went home, I looked and stayed with him beside his cot. He cried, I clearly heard his voice but I couldn't hold him. It was too painful for me seeing him like that but Darling Hubby said I have to let it be so that he will recover soon. I could only pray that Allah will protect my baby and before I left, I spoke to one of the Nurse, "Tolong jaga anak saya ye, terima kasih banyak2 tolong tengok kan dia". I was so clueless and cried all the way back home. I couldn't sleep well, I woke up and pumped as much as I can. I need to supply enough milk to my baby as I didn't want the Nurse to feed him with formula milk without my consent. Alhamdulillah, the next day he was discharged..

"He is healthy and happy"

Knowing his struggles since the day he was born, I promise myself that I have to pay extra care on his well being. He is easily amused and it is not difficult to make him laugh or smile. He started solids at 6 months old and his favourite meal is chicken porridge! I have seen him eating various kind of solids but when it comes to chicken meals, he will open his mouth wider than usual. He loves playing with his brother Ilyas and his sister Iman. Even though he looks bigger at his age, he has a soft heart and easily pour his tears out whenever he feels threatened or insecure (most babies do, right?). Every time I see the smile on his face, it will slowly erased the moments when I saw him cried at the cot waiting for someone to hold him up. Now he doesn't have to worry about being left out alone as I will be with him as long as I can be.

"He is a clingy boy"

I have the intention of breastfeeding him until he weans off himself. Like his brother, Ilyas weaned off when he was 18 months old and already started formula milk at 9 months old. Whilst for him, he is still breastfeeding and refused formula as far as I am aware of. Maybe that is one of the reasons of him being clingy to his Mama? So far, I had once left him at night due to my working schedule that I had to be out of town for a day only. He passed the day without formula milk and I realize the needs is still there and I will never give up on supplying the milk for him. Clingy boy is already 1 year old and I am happy that he is still clingy to me even though at times being clingy is intolerable, haha!

My Dear Ikmal Hakimi,

For having you in my life has given a wonderful strengths and spirits for me to continuously provide the best for you and our family as a whole. Your presence is very much treasured by all of us and we will never be this happy without you coming into the picture. You captured my eyes the first time I saw you and I hope my eyes won't forget how beautiful you are since the day you were born and after a year, now you have grown up to be such a happy and adorable baby of mine. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart because of you, I know how does it feel being left out alone; I understand the fear of not having anyone to cling onto; and I truly believe that what you have encountered all this while are meant to mold you to be someone powerful in the future, In Sha Allah. I pray for your happiness, wealth and success and whoever you wanna be, make sure you chose to be the one who put Allah as your utmost priority over anything else in this world. Happy birthday, baby! 

                                            Love You Forever, Mama, 17/09/2016, 5.00pm

The end. Thank you! =)

Leaving August Feelingly

August has gone leaving me with a full package of feelings! The mixture of positive and negative feelings which made my days more momentous from day one till the end. People will normally prefer good news to be heard prior to bad news. As for me, either good or bad since it is a news, just bring it on! *I have to be mentally prepared for having this kind of statement*. Haha! Okay, moving on to the subject for today's entry i.e. feelings. So, good or bad feelings first? 

#1 - Frustration

This only happens when Hari Raya fell in the middle of the month. Salary was credited earlier for the celebration and of course the amount spent along the way was unexpected even though there is always a contingency savings. I might have miscalculated on the budget but since we celebrated Aidilfitri once a year, I took it as a lesson learnt to be more critical on the budgeting. But seriously, where had the money gone to? Need to survive for another six weeks, huuu frust frust frust... 

#2 - Happy

Of course August is a happy month for me. Lots of memorable things happened this month. Ilyas's birthday was on the 11th and mine was on 30th and lucky me 31st is Malaysia National Day and it fell on Monday the most unwanted day among the weekdays. A long holiday with Darling Hubby and beloved ones around, nothing is more happening than that. Thanks for all the love, guys!

#3 - Anger

If there is a really specific class for Anger Management, I would really love to enroll myself in. I do not know how to control my anger especially when things went haywire but all I have with me is myself and the kids unfortunately. The scenario always happened when Darling Hubby was not around. The kids had drastically tested my patience level and the Tarzan within me will come out naturally because they asked for it. Ilyas called me as Kak Ros in Upin Ipin as he said "Mama garahhh (garang)". How can I not be garah if you made me naik darah? I couldn't leave Ilyas with Ikmal without supervision not because that I am afraid Ikmal will fall here and there but I am sure he will get punched by Ilyas. Why? Because this little brother always wanted to play along with his big brother but the big brother has his own preference while playing with the toys. "Mama, jangan langgar car ni dah susun dah. Kan dah gerak ni!" --> not even an inch okay. The problem was he placed all the toys on the floor so obviously Ikmal can easily grabbed it while crawling. I couldn't bathe at peace as Ikmal's cries is ear-soring not only to my ears but to our neighbours' as well.

#4 - Indecisive

This is one negative feeling which is really hard for me to avoid. Being indecisive is troublesome especially when the situation demands you to be the decision maker. This is the favourite question asked by my colleagues when the clock ticks at 1pm. "Eh, makan mana?". Even when we were already in the car, even at the junction to two different destinations, the decision has yet to be made! Normally 10 to 15 minutes will be wasted on the route just to get the final decision for lunch! 

#5 - Whateverrrr...

Remember in my last entry that I was so excited to bring my kids out for birthday celebration since Darling Hubby was home? But due to unforeseen circumstances, the plan had to be cancelled. I called this as a whateverr feeling, haha! You have started your day with positive vibes, had various feelings all day long but at the end of the day you will look into yourself at the mirror, while brushing your teeth before sleep with the thought of what actually happened today that made my day huh(?) and how tomorrow will be ya(?) yet today has not gone yet. So, hmmm yeaahhh, whateverr...

My superheroes captured in a mixed feelings =)

Alhamdulillah, I have managed to sum up my August month even though this entry came a bit late but the appreciation that I have for this month is optional. 

The end. Thank you! =)

Brotherhood Begins At 3 =)

Happiest birthday to you, Muhammad Ilyas Hidayat! 

Alhamdulillah, you turn 3 today and all the best prayers to you, baby!

Ilyas is the first gift from Allah for me to be declared as a mother. So, Happy Mother's Day to me! Three years of amazing experiences raising him and I am still counting on every single days to watch him grow and how I wish that time won't swiftly pass without him knowing how special, important and valuable he is to me.

At the age of 3, Ilyas has a 1 year old little brother to share his childhood journey with. I am overly concerned with his readiness of not being the only one when his brother was born last year. It took him almost a year to adapt himself with the situation as a big brother and recently he gradually showed the brotherly side of him.

From what I have noticed, he reserves himself from showing too much love and care towards his brother when we give more attention to his brother. But when everyone is watching him, he will act like the most loving brother on earth! Well, he is still the all-time Attention Seeker! After all, he is the first grandchild and nephew from both Darling Hubby's and my side. No wonder he acts those ways, huh? 

Another thing that I realize is the brotherhood bonding that both of Ilyas and Ikmal have is priceless. There were several times that I had to separate them due to unforeseen issues. Even for a day, I can see from both Ikmal's eyes on how he missed his brother's presence. And Ilyas on the other part will be too overwhelmed when he finally met his brother at the end of the day. The smile on his face reflects his true feeling and I can feel how deep is his love towards his brother.

Together they fought, they laughed, they cried and all those moments has created a stronger bonding in their relationship.

I have this thought of loving quotient which I always share with Darling Hubby:

"Regardless how many kids that I have (will have), each of them deserves to be loved in every single ways. As a mother, nothing can replace my love towards my kids and how I show my love is determined by myself and not others. Each of my babies gives different experiences and challenges to me thus the way I express my love will not be the same to all of them. I believe in my instinct as a mother. This instinct is granted by Allah the Creator and whenever I feel like in doubt of my actions towards my kids, I will talk to myself and seek for Allah's guidance in showing me the right ways to love them".

I am blessed with two little angels at the moment and hoping for more angels to come but not that soon, haha! Need to buy bigger bed so that all of us can fit together in one bed sharing our own sweet dreams.

Waiting for the end month to celebrate his birthday with Darling Hubby by our side! Weehuuu!!

The end. Thank you! =)

2014 In Memory

My life has changed in a very own special way years by years. It is now January 2015 and I am delighted that 2014 has its joyful remarks in my life. This entry recaps some of my experiences as a mother of two. It is a magnificent journey ever which I am so thankful that Allah has granted me with the strength and patience to go through this stage satisfactorily. 

Welcome to the world, son! =)

• I have gained more knowledge about breastfeeding; 

Talking about breastfeeding for me is a very essential and sensitive topic. My first son was breastfed until his 18 months of age and sadly preferred formula milk over frozen EBM when I started working when he was 9 months old. Since I was not working at that time, I have not tried to feed him with bottle at his early age and that was the main point of my breastfeeding lesson. 

#BFLesson1 - Start bottle feeding at the early weeks of birth

Since I only have two months of maternity leave, I have struggled to train my second baby with bottle feeding and even bought a few teats to suit his preference. It was depressing looking at your baby reluctantly sucked the milk from the bottle in which at the end of the day I will surrender and fed him directly. I was totally wrong!

#BFLesson2 - Be firm with your decision to bottle feeding

I am not saying bottle feeding is better than direct feeding but for working moms, yes it is a better approach of feeding. How to train your baby if you are a freshie Mama like me? Even though I have two kids but the way my first and second baby are fed is totally different. From my point of view, the most important thing is for the mother to be firm and strong enough to accept the fact that 24/7 direct feeding is valid only during confinement period. How about to convince a person who is not that tough to handle separation from her baby like me?

#BFLesson3 - Support me, please?

The support given by your spouse and family members is what you need. From my experience, my baby will refuse to drink from the bottle when I am the one who feeds him. Yes, the smell of the mother is way irresistible than the milk, I guess haha! So, here comes Darling Hubby into the picture. Husband, parents, siblings, in laws, relatives, friends or even community members have their roles to play in providing moral support. We, the mothers are very emotional especially during confinement period *serious tone inserted*. Even by hearing people talking about the way your baby is behaving sometimes might taken it to your heart. Thus, please lend a hand to feed the baby with bottle as this will help to train the baby with bottle feeding and also to get used to the smell of others during feeding time.

#BFLesson4 - Pump it, pump it!

Please, empty your breasts as often as you can. The reason is to ensure the milk supply is enough for your baby. If you feel that you have done pumping but the milk does not flow as you wish, try to monitor your meals intake. Drink more water, it helps. But the unforgettable part is of course, your Dua as a mother =)

#BFLesson5 - Seek for Allah's mercy in your Dua  

• I have learned that health is a no-kidding issue;

My little hero was diagnosed with jaundice at day 3 of his life. But this time, the bilirubin level was inconsistent and higher than his brother's reading. Some of the doctors at Klinik Kesihatan did not take this issue seriously. At day 7, the reading went up from 11 to 16. But I was only advised by Doctor1 to continue breast feeding as usual and to wake the baby up for feeding every hour. The next day, when Doctor2 checked on my baby, she immediately wrote a letter to the General Hospital for my baby to get phototheraphy treatment. I was shocked as yesterday when the level was at 16, no letter was issued by Doctor1. I even get scolded by Doctor2 for not being concerned of my baby's health. Oh now the blame was on me, screw you Doctor1!

#HealthLesson1 - Always seek for second opinion on your baby's health

I was lucky to get a 5 days of massage. It helped me a lot in gaining my strength back after delivering my baby. Due to the jaundice issue, I had to go to the clinic almost everyday where at the same time I had to minimize walking due to the stitches. It was painful especially when I tried to move a bit fast. I had a bad experience with my first time delivering and did not pay much attention on getting a proper massage. But now I realize the importance of it and to be exact; to get an expert maternity masseur. Alhamdulillah, I managed to get one and it helped me to run a few errands with three kids at a time. Seriously, being fit should be the first thing in your post-natal checklist.

#HealthLesson2 - Physical fitness, checked!

Meet my munchkins from left; Ilyas Hidayat - Iman Rania - Ikmal Hakimi

As for an O+ blood type Mama, the tendency for my baby to get jaundice is very prominent, I knew it but I did not know it might also caused by the umbilical cord's infection. How did it happen? Ocay, remember when you were asked to clean the umbilical cord with the antiseptic liquid? I have been using it each time during nappy change without failed. I will make sure that the area was dry to avoid any infections. Still a very poor improvement of my son's bilirubin level after 14 days. Why, why and why? Finally I got the answer from Doctor3. She claimed that although the area was kept dry at the first place, the cleanliness of the skin should be closely monitored as well. She taught me on how to clean the area correctly by using cotton buds (as the picture below). It does not hurt your baby, do not worry =)

 #HealthLesson3 - Knowing the right way to clean the umbilical area is a must!

Apart from the baby's health, mom's health should be taken care of as well. It happened to me on my 40 days of confinement. Being excited to wear the bengkung on my own, I had mistakenly tied the bengkung and my nerves was badly affected. I was down with fever and urine infection for a week. I took two liter of plain water per day, cranberries juice and barley extract but it did not cure the pain thus I decided to seek for medical advice and the doctor gave me antibiotics and Alhamdulillah it worked for me.

#HealthLesson4 - Wear bengkung with the help of others

• I have found that losing weight is so demanding!

During my first pregnancy, I could get back to shape easily. But now, to get the body figure that I have always wanted requires a high level of discipline. For me, this is the most challenging part after delivering a baby. Not to mention the stretch mark but the fats could not be hidden anymore. I do not want to cut on my diets as I am still breast feeding my baby and wearing bengkung restricts my movements. What should I do? A few tips which is efficient to be practiced for a lazy me:

1. Squeeze the lime juice together with kapur sirih and rub the paste on the stomach.
2. Wear bengkung at night.
3. Drink 3 liter of plain water daily.
4. Do sit up exercise early in the morning.
5. Use the deep heat lotion; Mustajab
6. Discipline yourself to apply all of the tips. Period.

I have not listed anything for this new year resolution. Let this picture tells everything that I wish for.

Happy New Year!

The end. Thank you! =)

My Only Crying Shoulder

When I first had a glance of him, I could not deny that my heart was pounding differently. This is weird, I said to myself. But lucky me that my sister was there as well so it covered up my awkwardness meeting him for the very first time. Everything seemed wrong here and there; the sambal Nasi Lemak was a bit bitter, the shawl did not fit me well, my voice was in high pitch every time he picked on me in front of my sister even though the issue was nothing personal. I kept on holding my hands due to the nervousness I felt. Phewww! I thought it was a normal meet up but it turned out being the moment which I think I am in love! =)

Before I met him, we used to chat via emails for job purpose ONLY. It was when my parents were involved in an accident and my mother was hospitalized, I did not have any access to the Internet and that was when I have given him my contact number in case there was any urgent matters pertaining to the work. He was the first person who called me when I was in the hospital. At that moment, all of my siblings were in the hospital crying and comforting each other while waiting for my mother in the ER. Even though we only had a short conversation on the phone but I would not forget the moment as he was the first so called "outsider" who comfort me when I was emotionally down. He was there as my virtual crying shoulder.

"I wanna marry you"

That was the first thing he said to me after our 5 months of friendship. I was shocked and at the same time provoked him, "Don't say that to me, go and meet my parents then". He did it! He went all alone to meet my parents to convey his intention of marrying me. Oh my! He was the first guy ever who dare to say that to my parents without me at home (as I was working in KL and my parents are staying in JB). I was touched with the sincerity that he showed and I could not say more other than Alhamdulillah...finally I found the one who can be my official crying shoulder.

He is the person who I can share all of my thoughts freely, I can express my feelings of anger, happiness, sadness, dissatisfaction without having to think of how he will think of me. I can be ME when I am with him! I guess I am the most complicated person that he has ever met yet he is still there as a loyal crying shoulder at the end of the day. I have no idea where he got the patience to bear with his psychotic wife. Even so, he never failed to say "I Love You" and "I Miss You" everyday which at times I feel like, "Why he keeps on saying the same thing over and over again? Does he really mean it? ". But when I think back, what he says all this while is actually his Doa. He prays to Allah that the feeling of loving and missing me would not fade away. So, who am I not to love and miss him back endlessly? 

Dear Darling Hubby Mohd Hafiz,

Living my life with you for almost three years is so meaningful and I am praying that Allah will bless our journey as husband and wife not only for these three years but till Jannah. Thank you so much for being so caring, loving and understanding towards me all this while regardless how terrible I am some times (or all the time). Please forgive me for all the wrongdoings that I have made intentionally or unintentionally. Thank you for accepting me as who I am without any doubt. Just to let you know that...

I hope I can be in front of you as your protector...

I hope I can be behind you as your supporter...

I hope I can be beside you as your companion...

I hope I can be with you forever as your only one...

Last but not least, thank you so much for being my only crying shoulder, sayang!
                                          Love You Muchos, Bibie, 12/09/2014, 5.20pm

The end. Thank you! =)