Friday, 4 October 2013

Protective Me

Selepas balik lunch terus tengok facebook sebab tadi ada ternampak satu link dekat page "Kelab Soal Jawab Ibu & Bakal Ibu Jom Hamil" tentang satu blog ni *click here*. Saat baca entry tu, memang hati rasa sebak sangat terus teringat kat Ilyas:

  • Dia memang pernah demam (on and off) + batuk (bunyi berkahak) + selesema (tapi dia tak pandai hembus hingus lagi).
  • Pernah tidur sampai nafas berbunyi kuat (tapi masa ni tak batuk or flu).
  • Kadang2 dia suka buat bunyi macam susah nak bernafas or bunyi tarik nafas yang semput2 tu (dulu ingat sebab perut dia buncit banyak makan so dia cepat mengah bila merangkak or naik tangga).

Need to keep those symptoms in mind just for future reference (if any emergency occurs)

Tapi semalam memang first time Ilyas tetiba je dia menangis (tapi tak keluar air mata) sambil meneran. Oh, dia sakit perut! Mesti sebab dia x poo for 2 days. Kali ni memang lain macam dia merengek. Dia nak dipeluk sentiasa pastu memang asyik merengek. Ya Allah, memang menangis kita dibuatnya. Sayu sangat dengar suara dia pastu memang dah agak ni mesti sakit sangat sebab t*** tu keras. Dia tak nak menyusu, tak nak baring. I just hugged him, doa banyak2 biar Allah permudahkan Ilyas buang air and I kept on whispering "Allah Allah Allah" to him sampai dia senyap dan tertidur...

Ilyas menangis + meneran sampai tertidur (sambil duduk sebab dia tak nak baring langsung)

Hati mana tak tersentuh tengok anak sakit sampai tertidur keletihan =(

Bila baca simptom2 Penyakit Pneumokokal, memang terus terfikir terbayang terimbas jika ianya sama seperti yang pernah Ilyas lalui sebelum ni. Memang dalam hati rasa cuak panik. Tapi terus tenangkan diri jangan cepat melatah, mungkin Ilyas demam biasa je (tapi dalam hati memang tak tenang langsung). Tambah pula dengan kes Ilyas sembelit semalam, memang lagi rasa risau sangat2! Mungkin ianya tiada kaitan dengan Penyakit Pneumokokal ni tapi tahap kerisauan tu makin menebal bila memikirkan virus2 jahat ni mudah dijangkiti so I need to be more protective towards him. I am very particular when it comes to my baby's life but no matter how detailed I am, there must be things that I have missed out. So this story really put me on an alarming stage as a Mama.

Sekarang hati ni memang rasa menyesal sangat sebab pernah marah2 Ilyas. Perasaan bersalah lagi la menggunung tinggi sebab pernah pukul Ilyas kt peha dia sebab dia gigit kita masa tengah breastfeeding. Banyak lagi perasaan sedih sebak semua ada lagi2 bila baca blog Cerita Erina tentang anaknya yang telah kembali ke Rahmatullah kerana Penyakit Pneumokokal ni. Puan Erina dapat menyusukan anaknya selama 1 tahun 2 bulan (masa nampak je angka ni terus berderau sebab Ilyas is now I tahun 1 bulan and I am still breastfeeding him). Memang Ilyas sekarang Alhamdulillah masih aktif, tak demam + flu or cough. Cuma angka tu mendebarkan. Hmmm... 

Semoga Allah sentiasa melindungi dan merahmati hidupmu, sayang!

Mama sayang Ilyas sampai bila2 =)

The end. Thank you! =)

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Missing You Dearly

Just an emotional entry to say that...

I miss both of you so much! 

Can't wait for you to be home, Darling Hubby!

The end. Thank you! =)

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Mama In Action

MIH at 13 months old

Looking at my baby growing up healthily and happily is a priceless feeling a mother can feel. No words can describe how grateful I am to be called a "Mama" in spite of many challenges that I have to encounter while raising my boy. When I was pregnant and unemployed, I was worried. My Darling Hubby is working yet I still got the feeling that I have to work as well coz "I want my baby to have everything that a world can give". I was a bit conscious when it comes to my baby's needs as I do not want my baby to grow up inadequately. 

Is this kind of thought healthy for me? 

I was highly influenced by those sayings that having a baby requires a stable financial situation as we need to buy diapers, milk, clothes, play mat, baby cot, stroller etc. When the thought came in, I wondered; Was it my fault for having a baby while my financial was not encouraging? Can I be a good mother to my baby if I failed to provide him with everything a baby should have from the beginning? 

Just imagine how would I feel being an unemployed mother and Darling Hubby is working all alone to support us? My Darling Hubby never forced or even asked me to work. But as a wife, I was touched looking at him struggling for a single cent to earn a living for the three of us. Therefore, I promised myself that after confinement period, I will find a job no matter what as I want to ease him financially even a bit. Furthermore, I want to ensure that my baby will not be lacking any of his needs. I was overreacted, right? But when I started to adapt myself as a mother, the thought of working has gone and it blew away just like that. I enjoyed my time spent with my baby and I truly missed all the moments with him. What about financial issue? Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah untuk si kecil sentiasa ada =) I was not that terrified as I believe the rezeki that Allah has planned for us will always be there if we put our faith in Allah.

Endless Love =)

However, when my baby was 5 months old, Allah tested me again. My Darling Hubby got an offer to further a training course for a year at Terengganu. He had to quit his job before the enrollment (no income except for allowance). At this time, I felt hopeless as I did not have any job except for being a full time "Mama". I had no income and no savings at all. I felt a bit frustrated when I could not get any jobs even though I have been to many interviews (some in KL). There were times when I felt like I have to lie during the interviews that I can work outside KL and I can leave my baby with others so that I can secure the job (most of the jobs require me to travel and stay in KL for a period of time). But I could not do that. I do not have the strength to lie especially when it involves my baby. I always remind myself that ANAK itu AMANAH. Amanah yang sangat berharga untuk diabaikan. I was pressured by others who questioned me on my jobless status + having to raise a baby + Darling Hubby is not working. If I could just sealed their mouths, I will definitely do that as others do not know what I have been through. But again, I do not blame anyone as I know that Allah knows what is best for me. I kept quiet and always prayed that Allah will show me the way.

I was jobless until May 2013 (my baby was 9 months old). After almost a year hunting for a suitable job, and after 4 months without a proper income, finally I managed to secure a job with 10 minutes distance from my house. Alhamdulillah, Allah permudahkan urusan kerjaku. Since my baby was already 9 months old, he was ready for solids and that was a relief for me. Why? Coz once my Darling Hubby was away, my baby was emotionally affected and now that I will be working, I was afraid that my baby will be drastically affected as both parents were not with him all the time. 

Baby was down with fever after I started working =(

It was painful to see your baby laid down unhealthily. He was unhappy and not amused with my jokes at all. I felt like quitting my job. But where can I get the money to cover my expenses? I have to sacrifice my job as a full time "Mama" to a working "Mama". At first, I was quite disappointed because I knew that I will not be spending much time with my baby if I start working. But I have to be realistic. Kerja juga salah satu saluran rezeki dan mungkin ini adalah kerja yang sesuai buat masa ini. Thus I stopped complaining and always remind myself to work sincerely for the sake of my family.

Before I slept, I always recalled back on what have I done all this while as a mother. Which of my baby's needs that I failed to fulfill? I take Maslow's Hierarchy as a guideline.
  1. Physiological Needs Apart from frozen EBM (expressed breast milk) and goat's milk, I bought him Cerelac (first solids) + Biscuits + cooked him a simple porridge + blended fruit puree, I also prepared adequate stock of clothes, diapers, toiletries etc.
  2. Safety Needs - I put him under my parents' custody (hardly trust nursery) as I feel that he will be secured and protected there.
  3. Belongingness and Love Needs - Hmmm..
  4. Esteem Needs - If I thought of the word "Hmmm" at the previous stage, how can I proceed with the next stages then?
  5. Self-Actualization Need - Not Applicable for my baby at this moment, I guess.
At last, I realize that at this point of time, my baby needs to be properly equipped with the sense of belongingness (love needs) especially from his parents. My baby and I were having a hard time when Darling Hubby was away. I could feel that he missed his Papa's company but he could not tell me in words and he cried instead. Never once that I forgot to hug him at night while he was asleep. I told him that Papa is away as he wants to provide a better living for us. Many things happened along the way that really challenged my patience in taking care of my baby. At times I gave up and I blamed myself for not being strong enough to raise my baby on my own without Darling Hubby with me. I did whine, I was emotionally threatened by the fact that babies without sufficient love from parents will grow up with inappropriate attitude

"When parents’ involvement is lacking in a family, the potential of a child to possess aggressive and impulsive behaviour is high (Webster-Stratton, 1997)"

I was clueless when my baby cried for no reasons. I was stressed out as I did not know what to do. I looked for my Darling Hubby's advice and he mentioned that my baby just wanted me to give him more attention. Attention? Yes, attention from a mother is what he needs the most in which the world can't give.

My Attention Seeker! =)

Since that moment, I took some times to read more articles on how to spend my time wisely as a working + contented Mama. A few tips to share:

  • Once you got home from work, spend time with your baby for at least 30 minutes (don't bother about house chores but grab your baby's attention first).
  • Talk to your baby on his or her routine during the day (don't worry if he or she does not respond but believe me, the baby is listening).
  • Take a few minutes to massage him or her (a mother's touch is miracle to a baby's development).
  • Try to get your baby to sleep as early as you can so that you can get enough rest as well.
  • When your baby is in his or her subconscious mind (before falling into a deep sleep), apologize to him or her for not being with him or her during the day.
  • Always recite Ayat Kursi, Surah Al-Fatihah, Surah An-Nas, Surah Al-Falaq, Surah Al-Ikhlas, Surah Al-Kafirun and Surah Al-Inshirah (baca doa tidur juga).
  • Pray to Allah for His blessings and always hope for a better tomorrow.

I am not a perfect Mama and I admit that I am not capable of giving everything that a world can give to my baby but the only thing that I can give is my undivided attention towards him.

Love you till Jannah, baby!

The end. Thank you! =)