Monday, 29 May 2017

A Birthday Shout-Out From Me To You

Happy birthday to the man of my life, I love you! 


Just so you know, Ilyas chose this card among others for you. When I asked him to write a note, he said he wanted to write Happy Birthday to Mama as well. He said birthday is meant for Mama even though August is a long way to go. So, let's celebrate your birthday together with me, shall we? =)

Thank you for being a wonderful Papa to Ilyas and Ikmal. I am so blessed to have you as my other half and looking forward for you to come back home! I want a gossip partner, haha!



p/s : You know how much we love you. Take care and see you soon, Darling Hubby!

The end. Thank you! =)

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Heart Of A Giver

It was 4 in the morning. Quickly I grabbed my phone just to ensure no notification coming in. One missed call from my dad at 3.15am. Please, not now, please. Getting a missed call or even messages at this hour was not a good sign. Not at all to me. I phoned my dad back but no answer. I was worried and panicked. I tried to call my brother. No answer as well. I even called my sisters but negative. That was when I realized it was still early in the morning. Perhaps my dad had mistakenly dialed my number. I tried to sleep afterwards but my instinct had blocked my brain to continue resting. I looked at my boys. They were still in a deep sleep so I better checked on my e-mails, WhatsApp in case there was an urgent message. Then the WhatsApp message appeared from my dad after I turned the data on. GONE..
"Hang dah makan?" Her all-time favorite question. No matter how long we have not seen each other, the tenderness I feel when I am with her has never changed. So much love was given from the day I was born and never once I heard her yelling or screaming her voice out. Such a lovely lady she was and I am so honored to write a story about her today. This is a story about Atok; my late grandmother.
I could not remember how much tears running down my cheeks since the moment I received the WhatsApp message from my dad. My grandmother had just passed away. I was in a deep sorrow and it was heartbreaking knowing that I was late, too late to be there. On March 21st, my parents went back to Penang to visit Atok after we found out that she was unwell. I wanted to go too but I told myself that I will be spending more time during Hari Raya this year in Penang. March, April, May, June; 4 months to go. Still can wait, I thought. If things are getting worst, my dad will let me know earlier. But my thought had slipped away when the news came on my phone screen. My heart was broken into pieces of regret for not making an effort to visit Atok. No one to be blamed but me and only me.

Her loss affects me emotionally even though we were physically separated all this while by a distance as she was in Penang and I am in Johor and we only met once a year but that could not change the fact that I miss her so much until now. The kind of pain inside my heart which always left me with tears whenever she came across my mind. Since I was little, a month of school holidays spent in Penang was the most awaited moments in a year! My siblings and I were so excited and we did not bother about the absence of our parents for the whole month since we knew Atok will be there. She was kind, too kind for a human. She was funny and had a very high sense of humorI love her companion, I love her cooking and I love everything about her.

I still remember after I went back from the grave, in the car I asked my dad, "Ayah rasa macam mana Tok Wan nanti lepas Atok tak ada?" Tok Wan is my grandfather; Atok's husband. My dad told me that Tok Wan must be really sad, even more depressed than us. I nodded with more tears pouring down and my dad said something which I will never ever forget;
Atok was a great person. Before she left, she sought for forgiveness from Tok Wan. Every single seconds left, she kept on reminding others to prepare the food for Tok Wan and everybody in the house since she was unable to do so. Always thinking of everyone else's even in a critical situation. Even until her very last breath, she never neglected her role as a wife and a mother and a grandmother. She is indeed a special person with full of love and kindness and I have so much respect for her due to every single thing that she gave
 Atok with baby Ikmal back in 2015

I have learned few valuable lessons from Atok;
  • Forgiving and seek for forgiveness - To some people, forgiving is easy and to seek for forgiveness is the other way round. Depending on the situation, I believe both actions are worthwhile. As for me, I will open up my heart to seek for forgiveness once I am ready to forgive at the first place. Being able to forgive people on what they have done is very difficult to me. I need time to think, to evaluate, and to heal. But when I heard about what Atok did, I was touched and alarmed. I do not know how much time left for me in this world and to waste my time controlling my ego over forgiving and to seek for forgiveness is needless. I am adamant to be a forgiver as that is the real challenge for me now. But I know I can be one because I am already a forgiver at heart =)
  • Stay contented with your role - Atok held her responsibility perfectly. She knew her role as a wife and highly concerned on her husband's welfare even though she was not fit to physically prepared the food for instance. Atok was a full-time housewife and her life was devoted to her husband since she was 14 years old. Taking care of her six children while Tok Wan was in the military and not to whine over the challenges had actually proven that nothing can beat a mother's sacrifice. I am currently playing multiple roles in my life as a servant of God, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, a house-keeper, a teacher and more to list down. It is impossible for me to be the perfect one but I will give my very best for each role. 
  • Be kind - Kindness is not an option. Being kind will give you no harm in fact it attracts more kindness in return. We can change a lot of things with kindness. Kindness allows positive outcomes and never ever doubt the impact it has in our life.

It has been almost two months after Atok passed away. She will never ever be forgotten, I swear. I pray that Allah will grant her heaven with His mercy and last but not least, I love you, Atok. Al-Fatihah..

The end. Thank you! =)

Monday, 22 May 2017

To Be Continued...

I am having this writer's block since months ago. I could not think on what to write and when to start. Being too occupied during the day had drained my brain function to start writing. The title was there but zero content thus far. I have been logged in and logged out from my blog couple of times a day but still no result. This is not good, totally not. I need to read more; in order to get rid of this writer's block. Hence, this book comes in!


I am so in love with this book!

According to Jeff Goins, reading can eliminate writer's block. Once I am done with this book, I will start writing. I will. Hope so. I am determined. So, to be continued..

The end. Thank you! =)

Sunday, 1 January 2017

A New Chapter Begins


2017 promises thousands of challenges, experiences, excitements and of course surprises to all of us. As for me, 2017 is a year for adventuring more realities; work, families and relationships. Three vital elements with different responsibilities to carry on; I believe by preparing myself with effective tools will help me to go through 2017 in a good way.

#EffectiveTools1 - Books

Reading BOOKS in the context of papers and not the paperless faceBOOK is a powerful habit which is hardly seen among us nowadays. In fact, I myself could not remember when was the last time I really read a book until The End. Having myself too attached to the gadget has actually lessen the way I perceive the world by reading books. Darling Hubby bought a few books last year and deep inside I admire his interest in different genre of books. But me, on the other side is very selective with my reading preference. No wonder Darling Hubby is very critical with his thinking which at times I wish I can be the same but yeah, that is why he compliments me. 

I want to be a better me and in order to achieve more this year, I am planning to read at least 4 books from different genre i.e. i) novel from the latest Ramlee Awang Murshid - I need something thrilling this year; ii) retail or real estate readings which highlights the important or fundamental elements of the industry; iii) business or entrepreneur kind of reading (for beginners) as I need to be equipped with more knowledge in this field by end of 2017; and iv) parenting book. I already have no. (i) and (iv) on the book shelf waiting to be read so now what I need to do is to focus on the time frame so that I can accomplish my target.

#EffectiveTools2 - Circle of Friends

Friends can be those who know you from A to Z; or those who do not really know you but still bring an impact in your life. I have different circle of friends back in my schooling and working years. I realize that my life has turned 360 degree once I become a mother. A lot of things which I enjoyed doing with my friends had to be put on hold due to my current status as a mother and a long distance hubby-wifey relationship. I never expected that I will be in this kind of situation whereby the circle of friends became much smaller and those friends who have the A to Z details about me seems more distance physically. I could not attend special occasions with my friends if Darling Hubby is not around. To bring along my precious sons out without Darling Hubby is quite burdensome and I will try to avoid taking the risks; for safety reason. 

However, I can still cherish my relationships with my friends by using social media as one of the platforms to strengthen the bond. Wishing them all happiness on their special days; comforting them with positive words; even by liking their posts on Facebook is the least that I can do but still it is the thought that countsThanks to Facebook and WhatsApp for this. Being surrounded by friends (true friends) can be such a great deal and whenever I got the chance to do so (physically or virtually); I will not let the moments go. So, appreciate your friends and never give up on thinking about them because your life is more meaningful when they are around.
    
#EffectiveTools3 - Lifestyle

I am 30 already! I am now a Master of my own self. I know myself better and with that, I am deciding to make some changes in my lifestyle this year. To begin with, let's start with the food intake. I am planning to cook on my own; to prepare for my breakfast and if possible lunch box as well. This will minimize my time thinking of what to have for lunch. Hehe.. Since Ilyas has started schooling this year, I will definitely try to equip him with Mama's cooking everyday. Thanks to the oven bought last year; I got the opportunity to experience many exciting moments of cooking! More recipes to explore here - http://bit.ly/bfcomtasty. Next, I want to have more physical activities with my boys this year. I am still learning several steps on physical fitness from Youtube and hopefully I can apply those exercises with them everyday; lighter exercise on weekdays and heavy steps during weekends. And I want to start again my walkabouts routine at work (at least 20 minutes a day). Being fit; that is my target!

Basically, food and exercise are the main things that I would like to change first. These two factors are achievable provided I am committed to what I am targeting. I want to start with small things which can bring out great results. An inspiring quotes from my Darling Hubby;
"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way"         
                                - Mohd Hafiz bin Mohamed Esa (2016)
I guess the above are not that hard to accomplish and they are achievable. I am hoping this year will be more exciting and looking forward to the results of these #EffectiveTools! Wish me luck, guys! Welcome 2017!

The end. Thank you! =)

Thursday, 21 July 2016

7 Days Love Spouse Challenge

For the past 6 days, I have been posting pictures of Darling Hubby and I (on my Facebook wall) in acceptance of the 7 Days Love Spouse Challenge. In the challenge, I have to post any pictures of us and tag another two friends to do the same. As for someone who rarely post pictures and updates on marriage life; I feel a little bit emotional throughout these 7 days. Not sure how others react to the challenge but these are my reactions in response to the challenge:-


Day #1 - "Aku Terima Nikahnya..."


Darling Hubby was my senior in my Secondary School. Honestly, I only knew him by his name because he was our Sports Team Leader back in 1999. It is normal in school that those athletic boys will attract additional attention from the opposite gender. But that was NOT the selling point. Haha! To cut the story short, we met again virtually on Friendster somewhere in 2009; got engaged on 29 May 2010 and officially married on 26 November 2011. So, when people asked me why am I getting married to someone who I only knew less than a year? There's no definite answer to that question until the solemnization ended with sekali lafaz "Aku terima nikahnya..." by him. Allah tentukan lelaki ini adalah jodohku. 


Day #2 - "Jasa Ibu Bapa Tidak Terbalas, Sokongan Suami Membuah Kejayaan"


I had the thought of pursuing my Master's Degree while I was working in Petaling Jaya. My dad said, "Kalau nak sambung belajar, balik Johor. Biar ayah tanggung kos belajar semua. Nana belajar je sampai habis". I was reluctant at the first place, considering how much money my dad had spent on my studies and I did not want to burden him anymore. But Allah knows best. With the struggles, parents' blessings and continuous support from Darling Hubby; we have finally made it and Ilyas (our first son) was in my womb during my convocation. Beautiful moment indeed!


Day #3 - "Like A Rainbow After The Rain"


Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is very complicated. I told Darling Hubby that LDR is not normal. We are abnormal couple and I want to put an end to this LDR. I used to question myself "Why me? Why us?" Again, there is no answers for my thought and I realize that I shall remove this kind of thought from my mind and try to make any goods out of this LDR. Do you know what is the BEST lesson learnt from LDR? It is COMMUNICATION. Allow me to share some information on this:-

  • Always find a time to speak to your partner EVERYDAY. Be it in the morning, afternoon, evening or at night; make sure you call your partner EVERYDAY. Why? In LDR, physical presence is impossible but you can replace it with your voice. By hearing your partner's voice, it will make you feel at ease and it is some sort of reliever for me. I know whether he is ill, happy, mad etc. by hearing his voice.
  • Do not hide anything from your partner even though he is far apart, always remember that we have this "instinct" in our relationship. For a few times, I had tried not to tell everything that happened to me during the day (I thought it was nothing) but the day after; without realizing I had accidentally summarized what had happened yesterday. Haha! 
  • Avoid third parties' involvement in any conflicts between you and your partner. Regardless any issues; if you think that somehow it has an impact to your marriage, please do not disclose anything until you and your partner have discussed on the issues at the first place. Your marriage is your own responsibility.
  • Ask Allah for His Guidance when you are in doubt; that is the BEST approach of all.
Day #4 - "The More The Merrier"


It took us a while to plan for our second child because I was afraid that my eldest son will not be happy or satisfied with the arrival of his new sibling. I was terrified knowing that children with lack of love and attention will become rebellious and everything that concerns me was actually came from my perspective and not from my son's perspective. Once again, Allah is the BEST planner. My second son was born right after Ilyas reached his 2 years of age. Honestly, I did not know that 3 years' interval for each child is advisable (could not remember where I read the article). For what I know, I am now enjoying myself as a mother of two amazing heroes and a wife to my superhero.

Day #5 - "Time Together"


Our very first short trip to Desaru Beach before Ramadhan this year with our little family; it was amazing! In LDR, time is extremely precious to us and we will optimize the time by having as many activities as we can for the purpose of togetherness. The more we spent our time together, the more we feel loved and believe it or not; LDR encourages more excitement in our marriage!

Day #6 - "Our Remarkable Syawal"


We celebrated First Syawal this year with our little family; Darling Hubby, sons and I. It was awkward especially for me who always celebrate Syawal with everybody (big family) around me. Only this year I got a strange feeling as my parents were back to my mom's hometown in Penang and I was in Johor Bahru celebrating Syawal with my in laws. It was a wonderful experience anyway and I have learned that quantity is not a contributor to a meaningful moments; but quality is. I enjoyed every moments of Syawal with everyone! Thanks, my dear Darling Hubby for ensuring that I am not overwhelmed with the thought that I was alone. 

Day #7 - "I Love You"


Finally, today is the last day of the challenge and I am glad that I am ON this challenge. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has directly or indirectly involved in spreading the love around. We need more love in this world and to those who might feel offended or annoyed by my posts; please forgive me as my intention is only to freshen up the moments between me and my spouse so that we will appreciate one another even more.

Last but not least, never stop loving everyone! Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin!

The end. Thank you! =)

Thursday, 17 September 2015

HIM Whom I Love

I wanted to write an entry for him, especially for him yesterday. I would like him to know how grateful I am to finally welcome him to this world. But due to time constraint, I can only make it up today. A meaningful story of him.. 

It was a year ago, 16/09/2014;

It was 12 midnight and Ilyas was sleeping soundly beside me while I had to bear with the pain in my stomachI had stomach cramp since Maghrib. I couldn't move a lot and I have decided to lay down and took a nap while waiting for Darling Hubby to come back home. Will it be today? At this hour? Darling Hubby told me to get ready to the hospital. I said I need more time to finish reading this zikir book given by my mother when I was first pregnant with Ilyas. This book is really helpful to keep me calm and feel at ease during contractions. After I kissed Ilyas and asked for my parents' forgiveness, I went straight away to the hospital with the contractions felt in every 10 minutes.

I have already dilated at 4cm when I reached the hospital. At 6cm, I was moved to the labour room and it was 4 in the morning. I was lucky because Darling Hubby was with me all the time. The contractions became more stronger and this time I couldn't keep calm because the Doctor said I need to wait until 10cm dilated but I couldn't wait for more than 10 seconds! I had to endure the pain in order to avoid any inconvenience due to my health problem. I kept on asking the Nurse, "Boleh saya push sekarang? Saya rasa dah nak bersalin ni". She might get annoyed with me but I couldn't help it, sorry.. With Bismillah and Selawat, she assisted me really well and after fourth time pushing, he made his first appearance in front of Darling Hubby and I. Alhamdulillah..

"He is a strong boy"

That was the first thing that I had in mind while touching his bare face. I couldn't describe the feeling in words but enough to say that he has a look which can melt my heart and make me cry


Muhammad Ikmal Hakimi at 1 day old =)

Giving birth to him was a real challenge and the experience I had with him in the hospital was dramatically mournful. I tried not to recall the memories of us in the hospital as it has a big and negative impact to me emotionally, to be specific. As a mother, I want only the best for my baby. What happened back then was beyond my expectation and I pray that Allah will keep those memories away from him.

"He is a survivor"

His jaundice level was inconsistent and on Day 7 of his life, he went through a phototheraphy treatment. He was warded in the evening and I told the Doctor that I wanted to accompany him but all babies need to stay at their cot during the treatment and I was advised not to hold onto him too often except for feeding session only. That night before I went home, I looked and stayed with him beside his cot. He cried, I clearly heard his voice but I couldn't hold him. It was too painful for me seeing him like that but Darling Hubby said I have to let it be so that he will recover soon. I could only pray that Allah will protect my baby and before I left, I spoke to one of the Nurse, "Tolong jaga anak saya ye, terima kasih banyak2 tolong tengok kan dia". I was so clueless and cried all the way back home. I couldn't sleep well, I woke up and pumped as much as I can. I need to supply enough milk to my baby as I didn't want the Nurse to feed him with formula milk without my consent. Alhamdulillah, the next day he was discharged..



"He is healthy and happy"

Knowing his struggles since the day he was born, I promise myself that I have to pay extra care on his well being. He is easily amused and it is not difficult to make him laugh or smile. He started solids at 6 months old and his favourite meal is chicken porridge! I have seen him eating various kind of solids but when it comes to chicken meals, he will open his mouth wider than usual. He loves playing with his brother Ilyas and his sister Iman. Even though he looks bigger at his age, he has a soft heart and easily pour his tears out whenever he feels threatened or insecure (most babies do, right?). Every time I see the smile on his face, it will slowly erased the moments when I saw him cried at the cot waiting for someone to hold him up. Now he doesn't have to worry about being left out alone as I will be with him as long as I can be.



"He is a clingy boy"

I have the intention of breastfeeding him until he weans off himself. Like his brother, Ilyas weaned off when he was 18 months old and already started formula milk at 9 months old. Whilst for him, he is still breastfeeding and refused formula as far as I am aware of. Maybe that is one of the reasons of him being clingy to his Mama? So far, I had once left him at night due to my working schedule that I had to be out of town for a day only. He passed the day without formula milk and I realize the needs is still there and I will never give up on supplying the milk for him. Clingy boy is already 1 year old and I am happy that he is still clingy to me even though at times being clingy is intolerable, haha!


My Dear Ikmal Hakimi,
For having you in my life has given a wonderful strengths and spirits for me to continuously provide the best for you and our family as a whole. Your presence is very much treasured by all of us and we will never be this happy without you coming into the picture. You captured my eyes the first time I saw you and I hope my eyes won't forget how beautiful you are since the day you were born and after a year, now you have grown up to be such a happy and adorable baby of mine. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart because of you, I know how does it feel being left out alone; I understand the fear of not having anyone to cling onto; and I truly believe that what you have encountered all this while are meant to mold you to be someone powerful in the future, In Sha Allah. I pray for your happiness, wealth and success and whoever you wanna be, make sure you chose to be the one who put Allah as your utmost priority over anything else in this world. Happy birthday, baby! 
                                            Love You Forever, Mama, 17/09/2016, 5.00pm


The end. Thank you! =)


Monday, 14 September 2015

Leaving August Feelingly

August has gone leaving me with a full package of feelings! The mixture of positive and negative feelings which made my days more momentous from day one till the end. People will normally prefer good news to be heard prior to bad news. As for me, either good or bad since it is a news, just bring it on! *I have to be mentally prepared for having this kind of statement*. Haha! Okay, moving on to the subject for today's entry i.e. feelings. So, good or bad feelings first? 

#1 - Frustration

This only happens when Hari Raya fell in the middle of the month. Salary was credited earlier for the celebration and of course the amount spent along the way was unexpected even though there is always a contingency savings. I might have miscalculated on the budget but since we celebrated Aidilfitri once a year, I took it as a lesson learnt to be more critical on the budgeting. But seriously, where had the money gone to? Need to survive for another six weeks, huuu frust frust frust... 

#2 - Happy

Of course August is a happy month for me. Lots of memorable things happened this month. Ilyas's birthday was on the 11th and mine was on 30th and lucky me 31st is Malaysia National Day and it fell on Monday the most unwanted day among the weekdays. A long holiday with Darling Hubby and beloved ones around, nothing is more happening than that. Thanks for all the love, guys!

#3 - Anger

If there is a really specific class for Anger Management, I would really love to enroll myself in. I do not know how to control my anger especially when things went haywire but all I have with me is myself and the kids unfortunately. The scenario always happened when Darling Hubby was not around. The kids had drastically tested my patience level and the Tarzan within me will come out naturally because they asked for it. Ilyas called me as Kak Ros in Upin Ipin as he said "Mama garahhh (garang)". How can I not be garah if you made me naik darah? I couldn't leave Ilyas with Ikmal without supervision not because that I am afraid Ikmal will fall here and there but I am sure he will get punched by Ilyas. Why? Because this little brother always wanted to play along with his big brother but the big brother has his own preference while playing with the toys. "Mama, jangan langgar car ni dah susun dah. Kan dah gerak ni!" --> not even an inch okay. The problem was he placed all the toys on the floor so obviously Ikmal can easily grabbed it while crawling. I couldn't bathe at peace as Ikmal's cries is ear-soring not only to my ears but to our neighbours' as well.

#4 - Indecisive

This is one negative feeling which is really hard for me to avoid. Being indecisive is troublesome especially when the situation demands you to be the decision maker. This is the favourite question asked by my colleagues when the clock ticks at 1pm. "Eh, makan mana?". Even when we were already in the car, even at the junction to two different destinations, the decision has yet to be made! Normally 10 to 15 minutes will be wasted on the route just to get the final decision for lunch! 

#5 - Whateverrrr...

Remember in my last entry that I was so excited to bring my kids out for birthday celebration since Darling Hubby was home? But due to unforeseen circumstances, the plan had to be cancelled. I called this as a whateverr feeling, haha! You have started your day with positive vibes, had various feelings all day long but at the end of the day you will look into yourself at the mirror, while brushing your teeth before sleep with the thought of what actually happened today that made my day huh(?) and how tomorrow will be ya(?) yet today has not gone yet. So, hmmm yeaahhh, whateverr...


My superheroes captured in a mixed feelings =)

Alhamdulillah, I have managed to sum up my August month even though this entry came a bit late but the appreciation that I have for this month is optional

The end. Thank you! =)