Tuesday, 24 October 2017

What Colours Are Beautiful?

I had a chat with my eldest boy few nights back; asking him on what he did during the day, questioning him on his behavior and of course babbling about my works as well. While looking at him sketching and colouring, I decided to ask him a random question;

Me : What colours are beautiful?
Him : All colours.
Me : Anything else?
Him : Rainbow!
Me : Ada lagi?
Him : Hmmm ahaaa trueee colourssss are beautifulllll...
Me : Awesome, baby! Tahu tak true colours tu apa?
Me : ....... (continue singing)

Accepted. A relevant answer at his age, thank you TROLLS for this informal education.

What Colours Are Beautiful?

Pink was my favourite colour back then and I always chose pink for my clothing, accessories, gadgets and I even had asked my dad for a pink car but my request was rejected. I would have written "I hope you are in the pink of health" in most of my essays because I thought it was kind of cool and sweet that way. I have loved pink because of its colour. Pink caught my attention more than any other colours as my eyes perceived pink as attractive and I continued believing that pink is the most beautiful colour.

I started to realize that other colours are beautiful when I grew older or should I say wiser, haha! I have changed my colour preference gradually. I became more cautious on the selection of colours and began to avoid pinkish stuff when I came to work. I rarely wore pink during my practicum because I was uncomfortable with the softness of the colour while teaching. Pink is a soft colour and I needed more dominant colours to build my confidence in front of the students. Somehow colours play a significant role in building up my personality over time. Now I even love all colours whether it does not look stunning on the surface due to the fact that I believe in each colour's influence on me. 

I am a straightforward person and I always believe that all people are real people. I expect people to be who they are and not to be pretentious just for the sake to be accepted. Because you will not be less human if you show your true colours. In fact, on top of these battle of colours, I found that true colours are the most beautiful. You know how hard it is when you have to try to be nice to someone but you know deep inside you just can't be nice at all? I had a tough time during my college life dealing with this situation. Did I show my true colors to the one who hurt me the most? Yes, I did. Because I couldn't hide my inner feeling, I just can't. I couldn't imagine how can a person be so kind in front of you at the same time stabbing you from behind. How was the feeling? Was it that good? I had no idea and I didn't bother at all in fact I told this person to stay away from my life for real. Losing a fake friend is way better than keeping a real enemy

What I am trying to say here is; we should not hide our true self. Show our true colors. Be kind, be mad, be cautious, be bold, just be who you want to be. We are humans anyway. Feelings make us real. If you can't make someone happy, don't hurt them. If you can't help someone, don't burden them. If you can't accept someone, don't stay in their life. You have the right to choose how you want to live your life. As for me, I choose to be happy and whatever or whoever comes in my life just to refrain me from getting my happiness; he or she is most welcome to walk away from my life. Ohhh, why so serious? Haha!

Let's watch TROLLS and sing along! True colours are beautiful...

The end. Thank you! =)

Friday, 13 October 2017

Stress No More

I couldn't sleep well these past few nights and I thought it was nothing to worry about. I woke up in the morning and went for my routine as normal as it should be. Little that I knew that something was wrong with me until I felt like vomiting yesterday at work without any reason. Oh my! Am I pregnant?


Are you sure?


I am just STRESS.

According to Richard S. Lazarus, stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize". In short, it's what we feel when we think we have lost control of events.

I am down with fever now. Itchy throat worsened it. I got two kids to take care of while Darling Hubby is away. My mom and my sister are unwell too. Work is killing me slowly but surely I guess. I can handle all of these until this evening I started to feel my body couldn't take it anymore. I have lost control =(

What should I do?

I rarely consult the doctor if I am unwell. I will try to avoid medication and consume more plain water daily. It took me about 3 weeks to fully recover on my own when I was sick months ago. But the impact? My sons will be affected as they are the ones closer to me and I am not going to let this happen. Again.

Solution : I will go to the clinic tomorrow and get the necessary medication. I wish for an MC but I know it is impossible; I am not dying anyway so stop acting like a baby. Haha..

Work pressure? Who doesn't feel it? In fact, I need pressure to keep me moving. Positive pressure grows me but negative pressure holds me back. I am a result-driven person and when things don't seem to go my way; I feel pressured.

Solution : Since I love what I am doing now (work), I let it pass and strengthen my self-belief system that everything happens for a reason and don't let those negativity surrounds my thoughts for too long. How? I talk to myself. Everyday. As often as I can. I want it to be stored directly into my conscious mind.

Stress is normal and our reactions will determine the level of its normality. If you feel so stressful; do something that you enjoy doing. As for me, I write.

Last but not least, I need a VACATION!

The end. Thank you! =)

Monday, 29 May 2017

A Birthday Shout-Out From Me To You

Happy birthday to the man of my life, I love you! 

Just so you know, Ilyas chose this card among others for you. When I asked him to write a note, he said he wanted to write Happy Birthday to Mama as well. He said birthday is meant for Mama even though August is a long way to go. So, let's celebrate your birthday together with me, shall we? =)

Thank you for being a wonderful Papa to Ilyas and Ikmal. I am so blessed to have you as my other half and looking forward for you to come back home! I want a gossip partner, haha!

p/s : You know how much we love you. Take care and see you soon, Darling Hubby!

The end. Thank you! =)

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Heart Of A Giver

It was 4 in the morning. Quickly I grabbed my phone just to ensure no notification coming in. One missed call from my dad at 3.15am. Please, not now, please. Getting a missed call or even messages at this hour was not a good sign. Not at all to me. I phoned my dad back but no answer. I was worried and panicked. I tried to call my brother. No answer as well. I even called my sisters but negative. That was when I realized it was still early in the morning. Perhaps my dad had mistakenly dialed my number. I tried to sleep afterwards but my instinct had blocked my brain to continue resting. I looked at my boys. They were still in a deep sleep so I better checked on my e-mails, WhatsApp in case there was an urgent message. Then the WhatsApp message appeared from my dad after I turned the data on. GONE..
"Hang dah makan?" Her all-time favorite question. No matter how long we have not seen each other, the tenderness I feel when I am with her has never changed. So much love was given from the day I was born and never once I heard her yelling or screaming her voice out. Such a lovely lady she was and I am so honored to write a story about her today. This is a story about Atok; my late grandmother.
I could not remember how much tears running down my cheeks since the moment I received the WhatsApp message from my dad. My grandmother had just passed away. I was in a deep sorrow and it was heartbreaking knowing that I was late, too late to be there. On March 21st, my parents went back to Penang to visit Atok after we found out that she was unwell. I wanted to go too but I told myself that I will be spending more time during Hari Raya this year in Penang. March, April, May, June; 4 months to go. Still can wait, I thought. If things are getting worst, my dad will let me know earlier. But my thought had slipped away when the news came on my phone screen. My heart was broken into pieces of regret for not making an effort to visit Atok. No one to be blamed but me and only me.

Her loss affects me emotionally even though we were physically separated all this while by a distance as she was in Penang and I am in Johor and we only met once a year but that could not change the fact that I miss her so much until now. The kind of pain inside my heart which always left me with tears whenever she came across my mind. Since I was little, a month of school holidays spent in Penang was the most awaited moments in a year! My siblings and I were so excited and we did not bother about the absence of our parents for the whole month since we knew Atok will be there. She was kind, too kind for a human. She was funny and had a very high sense of humorI love her companion, I love her cooking and I love everything about her.

I still remember after I went back from the grave, in the car I asked my dad, "Ayah rasa macam mana Tok Wan nanti lepas Atok tak ada?" Tok Wan is my grandfather; Atok's husband. My dad told me that Tok Wan must be really sad, even more depressed than us. I nodded with more tears pouring down and my dad said something which I will never ever forget;
Atok was a great person. Before she left, she sought for forgiveness from Tok Wan. Every single seconds left, she kept on reminding others to prepare the food for Tok Wan and everybody in the house since she was unable to do so. Always thinking of everyone else's even in a critical situation. Even until her very last breath, she never neglected her role as a wife and a mother and a grandmother. She is indeed a special person with full of love and kindness and I have so much respect for her due to every single thing that she gave
 Atok with baby Ikmal back in 2015

I have learned few valuable lessons from Atok;
  • Forgiving and seek for forgiveness - To some people, forgiving is easy and to seek for forgiveness is the other way round. Depending on the situation, I believe both actions are worthwhile. As for me, I will open up my heart to seek for forgiveness once I am ready to forgive at the first place. Being able to forgive people on what they have done is very difficult to me. I need time to think, to evaluate, and to heal. But when I heard about what Atok did, I was touched and alarmed. I do not know how much time left for me in this world and to waste my time controlling my ego over forgiving and to seek for forgiveness is needless. I am adamant to be a forgiver as that is the real challenge for me now. But I know I can be one because I am already a forgiver at heart =)
  • Stay contented with your role - Atok held her responsibility perfectly. She knew her role as a wife and highly concerned on her husband's welfare even though she was not fit to physically prepared the food for instance. Atok was a full-time housewife and her life was devoted to her husband since she was 14 years old. Taking care of her six children while Tok Wan was in the military and not to whine over the challenges had actually proven that nothing can beat a mother's sacrifice. I am currently playing multiple roles in my life as a servant of God, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, a house-keeper, a teacher and more to list down. It is impossible for me to be the perfect one but I will give my very best for each role. 
  • Be kind - Kindness is not an option. Being kind will give you no harm in fact it attracts more kindness in return. We can change a lot of things with kindness. Kindness allows positive outcomes and never ever doubt the impact it has in our life.

It has been almost two months after Atok passed away. She will never ever be forgotten, I swear. I pray that Allah will grant her heaven with His mercy and last but not least, I love you, Atok. Al-Fatihah..

The end. Thank you! =)

Monday, 22 May 2017

To Be Continued...

I am having this writer's block since months ago. I could not think on what to write and when to start. Being too occupied during the day had drained my brain function to start writing. The title was there but zero content thus far. I have been logged in and logged out from my blog couple of times a day but still no result. This is not good, totally not. I need to read more; in order to get rid of this writer's block. Hence, this book comes in!

I am so in love with this book!

According to Jeff Goins, reading can eliminate writer's block. Once I am done with this book, I will start writing. I will. Hope so. I am determined. So, to be continued..

The end. Thank you! =)

Sunday, 1 January 2017

A New Chapter Begins

2017 promises thousands of challenges, experiences, excitements and of course surprises to all of us. As for me, 2017 is a year for adventuring more realities; work, families and relationships. Three vital elements with different responsibilities to carry on; I believe by preparing myself with effective tools will help me to go through 2017 in a good way.

#EffectiveTools1 - Books

Reading BOOKS in the context of papers and not the paperless faceBOOK is a powerful habit which is hardly seen among us nowadays. In fact, I myself could not remember when was the last time I really read a book until The End. Having myself too attached to the gadget has actually lessen the way I perceive the world by reading books. Darling Hubby bought a few books last year and deep inside I admire his interest in different genre of books. But me, on the other side is very selective with my reading preference. No wonder Darling Hubby is very critical with his thinking which at times I wish I can be the same but yeah, that is why he compliments me. 

I want to be a better me and in order to achieve more this year, I am planning to read at least 4 books from different genre i.e. i) novel from the latest Ramlee Awang Murshid - I need something thrilling this year; ii) retail or real estate readings which highlights the important or fundamental elements of the industry; iii) business or entrepreneur kind of reading (for beginners) as I need to be equipped with more knowledge in this field by end of 2017; and iv) parenting book. I already have no. (i) and (iv) on the book shelf waiting to be read so now what I need to do is to focus on the time frame so that I can accomplish my target.

#EffectiveTools2 - Circle of Friends

Friends can be those who know you from A to Z; or those who do not really know you but still bring an impact in your life. I have different circle of friends back in my schooling and working years. I realize that my life has turned 360 degree once I become a mother. A lot of things which I enjoyed doing with my friends had to be put on hold due to my current status as a mother and a long distance hubby-wifey relationship. I never expected that I will be in this kind of situation whereby the circle of friends became much smaller and those friends who have the A to Z details about me seems more distance physically. I could not attend special occasions with my friends if Darling Hubby is not around. To bring along my precious sons out without Darling Hubby is quite burdensome and I will try to avoid taking the risks; for safety reason. 

However, I can still cherish my relationships with my friends by using social media as one of the platforms to strengthen the bond. Wishing them all happiness on their special days; comforting them with positive words; even by liking their posts on Facebook is the least that I can do but still it is the thought that countsThanks to Facebook and WhatsApp for this. Being surrounded by friends (true friends) can be such a great deal and whenever I got the chance to do so (physically or virtually); I will not let the moments go. So, appreciate your friends and never give up on thinking about them because your life is more meaningful when they are around.
#EffectiveTools3 - Lifestyle

I am 30 already! I am now a Master of my own self. I know myself better and with that, I am deciding to make some changes in my lifestyle this year. To begin with, let's start with the food intake. I am planning to cook on my own; to prepare for my breakfast and if possible lunch box as well. This will minimize my time thinking of what to have for lunch. Hehe.. Since Ilyas has started schooling this year, I will definitely try to equip him with Mama's cooking everyday. Thanks to the oven bought last year; I got the opportunity to experience many exciting moments of cooking! More recipes to explore here - http://bit.ly/bfcomtasty. Next, I want to have more physical activities with my boys this year. I am still learning several steps on physical fitness from Youtube and hopefully I can apply those exercises with them everyday; lighter exercise on weekdays and heavy steps during weekends. And I want to start again my walkabouts routine at work (at least 20 minutes a day). Being fit; that is my target!

Basically, food and exercise are the main things that I would like to change first. These two factors are achievable provided I am committed to what I am targeting. I want to start with small things which can bring out great results. An inspiring quotes from my Darling Hubby;
"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way"         
                                - Mohd Hafiz bin Mohamed Esa (2016)
I guess the above are not that hard to accomplish and they are achievable. I am hoping this year will be more exciting and looking forward to the results of these #EffectiveTools! Wish me luck, guys! Welcome 2017!

The end. Thank you! =)

Thursday, 21 July 2016

7 Days Love Spouse Challenge

For the past 6 days, I have been posting pictures of Darling Hubby and I (on my Facebook wall) in acceptance of the 7 Days Love Spouse Challenge. In the challenge, I have to post any pictures of us and tag another two friends to do the same. As for someone who rarely post pictures and updates on marriage life; I feel a little bit emotional throughout these 7 days. Not sure how others react to the challenge but these are my reactions in response to the challenge:-

Day #1 - "Aku Terima Nikahnya..."

Darling Hubby was my senior in my Secondary School. Honestly, I only knew him by his name because he was our Sports Team Leader back in 1999. It is normal in school that those athletic boys will attract additional attention from the opposite gender. But that was NOT the selling point. Haha! To cut the story short, we met again virtually on Friendster somewhere in 2009; got engaged on 29 May 2010 and officially married on 26 November 2011. So, when people asked me why am I getting married to someone who I only knew less than a year? There's no definite answer to that question until the solemnization ended with sekali lafaz "Aku terima nikahnya..." by him. Allah tentukan lelaki ini adalah jodohku. 

Day #2 - "Jasa Ibu Bapa Tidak Terbalas, Sokongan Suami Membuah Kejayaan"

I had the thought of pursuing my Master's Degree while I was working in Petaling Jaya. My dad said, "Kalau nak sambung belajar, balik Johor. Biar ayah tanggung kos belajar semua. Nana belajar je sampai habis". I was reluctant at the first place, considering how much money my dad had spent on my studies and I did not want to burden him anymore. But Allah knows best. With the struggles, parents' blessings and continuous support from Darling Hubby; we have finally made it and Ilyas (our first son) was in my womb during my convocation. Beautiful moment indeed!

Day #3 - "Like A Rainbow After The Rain"

Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is very complicated. I told Darling Hubby that LDR is not normal. We are abnormal couple and I want to put an end to this LDR. I used to question myself "Why me? Why us?" Again, there is no answers for my thought and I realize that I shall remove this kind of thought from my mind and try to make any goods out of this LDR. Do you know what is the BEST lesson learnt from LDR? It is COMMUNICATION. Allow me to share some information on this:-

  • Always find a time to speak to your partner EVERYDAY. Be it in the morning, afternoon, evening or at night; make sure you call your partner EVERYDAY. Why? In LDR, physical presence is impossible but you can replace it with your voice. By hearing your partner's voice, it will make you feel at ease and it is some sort of reliever for me. I know whether he is ill, happy, mad etc. by hearing his voice.
  • Do not hide anything from your partner even though he is far apart, always remember that we have this "instinct" in our relationship. For a few times, I had tried not to tell everything that happened to me during the day (I thought it was nothing) but the day after; without realizing I had accidentally summarized what had happened yesterday. Haha! 
  • Avoid third parties' involvement in any conflicts between you and your partner. Regardless any issues; if you think that somehow it has an impact to your marriage, please do not disclose anything until you and your partner have discussed on the issues at the first place. Your marriage is your own responsibility.
  • Ask Allah for His Guidance when you are in doubt; that is the BEST approach of all.
Day #4 - "The More The Merrier"

It took us a while to plan for our second child because I was afraid that my eldest son will not be happy or satisfied with the arrival of his new sibling. I was terrified knowing that children with lack of love and attention will become rebellious and everything that concerns me was actually came from my perspective and not from my son's perspective. Once again, Allah is the BEST planner. My second son was born right after Ilyas reached his 2 years of age. Honestly, I did not know that 3 years' interval for each child is advisable (could not remember where I read the article). For what I know, I am now enjoying myself as a mother of two amazing heroes and a wife to my superhero.

Day #5 - "Time Together"

Our very first short trip to Desaru Beach before Ramadhan this year with our little family; it was amazing! In LDR, time is extremely precious to us and we will optimize the time by having as many activities as we can for the purpose of togetherness. The more we spent our time together, the more we feel loved and believe it or not; LDR encourages more excitement in our marriage!

Day #6 - "Our Remarkable Syawal"

We celebrated First Syawal this year with our little family; Darling Hubby, sons and I. It was awkward especially for me who always celebrate Syawal with everybody (big family) around me. Only this year I got a strange feeling as my parents were back to my mom's hometown in Penang and I was in Johor Bahru celebrating Syawal with my in laws. It was a wonderful experience anyway and I have learned that quantity is not a contributor to a meaningful moments; but quality is. I enjoyed every moments of Syawal with everyone! Thanks, my dear Darling Hubby for ensuring that I am not overwhelmed with the thought that I was alone. 

Day #7 - "I Love You"

Finally, today is the last day of the challenge and I am glad that I am ON this challenge. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has directly or indirectly involved in spreading the love around. We need more love in this world and to those who might feel offended or annoyed by my posts; please forgive me as my intention is only to freshen up the moments between me and my spouse so that we will appreciate one another even more.

Last but not least, never stop loving everyone! Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin!

The end. Thank you! =)