Key Performance Indicator (KPI)

It is December, the month of the year! The month which I usually spend to prep myself for the next 12 months of 2018. I have a week apparently to complete my 2017 checklist and hope to get most of the things done by December 31st or earlier. Time is the biggest enemy now and I feel the pressure to accomplish my 2017 resolutions due to unforeseen circumstances. My utmost concern is on my KPI at work. I was so stressed out these past few months with the overwhelming tasks given and I am now in a constant worry about the result. Being a result-driven person; this KPI thingy really catches my nerves. Am I not doing enough? What should I do in a week to catch up? A lengthy post this will be as I am digging as much information as I can while assessing myself. This is evaluation time, baby! 

The truth is...

I love what I am doing now in fact I have done pretty well in most of the tasks given. However, I still feel that I am lacking of something to drive me further to a different level of me. I need more challenging tasks and I require a fast pace working environment. But I would not be able to get it here. Now. It demotivates me and this situation affects my KPI indirectly. I want to perform in each of the criteria but there is a restriction in the environment and I am not happy with that. 

But I am not giving up...

I have the checklist prepared since January 2017 and I am monitoring the progress closely thus I am confident that I will achieve the result that I want by end of the year. Everything went well as planned and I was quite satisfied with my achievement thus far. Unfortunately things turned out differently somewhere in August 2017. A different KPI must be met and I was so not ready. I have this difficulty to adapt to shortcomings and that is my problem. I want everything to go as planned, MY PLAN. I will eliminate those obstacles as much as I can within my limit. I will find a way to execute MY PLAN because I am responsible for MY PLAN. But I forgot that the environment is one of the contributors to the success or failure of MY PLAN. There goes my motivation...

What do I need now? 

Motivation is the driving force which causes us to achieve goals and it is said to be either extrinsic or intrinsic. Cohen & Swerdlik (2010) described motivation in the workplace as stemming from incentives that are either primarily internal or primarily external in origin. Employees who seem to be driven by a passionate interest in their work, having a deep level of enjoyment and involvement in what they do are described as intrinsically motivated. On the other hand, tangible rewards i.e. salary, bonuses, vacations and holiday with pay, pensions and sick benefits are the driving force for extrinsically motivated employees, claimed Amabile et al (1994).

To me, there is a certain extent whereby I need to be extrinsically motivated. Salary and recognition are important to achieve a certain level of satisfaction but at the end of the day, those are just material and temporary to me. Being in a higher position with a better pay shall put you in a condition whereby tangible rewards is considered secondary. The real force must come from within. I chose to be in this industry with a zero knowledge and experience. I have learned a lot throughout my journey and I found myself changing from the way I look at things. 

I am not financially intelligent. I don't like numbers but I have to learn how numbers work here. Numbers is really important and a good result is proven by the figures. Knowing it is one of the KPI, I have to make sure I hit the targeted figures every month by any means. Along the way I came across frustration, irritation and dissatisfaction but it didn't stop me from getting it accomplished of course in my own way. The power of psychology! It is workable though! Not to mention that I have to understand how to operate and maintain a building which is so alien to me. All mechanical and technical jargons to be learned too and believe me, I felt like a loser every time we had any operations meetings because of the little knowledge that I have but I enjoyed learning those things. I have no regrets because I have tried at least to learn and accept new knowledge and this has actually build up my passion in what I am doing now.

So, what is my action plan?

1. The KPI is just a guideline. Don't stress myself out of this KPI especially those criteria which I can't control. 
2. Separate the KPI from January 2017 to August 2017 and September 2017 to December 2017. This is tricky but I need to evaluate myself in two different period. Just to satisfy myself that I have done my best regardless of the change of KPI.
3. Manage any unfinished business for 2017 before year end (if possible).
4. Stay contented with my work and keep the daily routine running.
5. Last but not least, have a Plan B, C or D! Haha..

Basically, we need both extrinsic and intrinsic motivation to keep us moving and living the life we want to be. At the end of the day, it always comes back to us; the answer lies within ourselves. A lot of factors can contribute to one's motivation and there is no right or wrong if you are someone who is intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. You can be both at the same time, no one will question because each of us travels in a different path. The experience, feeling and challenges are not the same. But how you react to those will determine the type of motivation that you need.

The end. Thank you! =)

What Colours Are Beautiful?

I had a chat with my eldest boy few nights back; asking him on what he did during the day, questioning him on his behavior and of course babbling about my works as well. While looking at him sketching and colouring, I decided to ask him a random question;

Me : What colours are beautiful?
Him : All colours.
Me : Anything else?
Him : Rainbow!
Me : Ada lagi?
Him : Hmmm ahaaa trueee colourssss are beautifulllll...
Me : Awesome, baby! Tahu tak true colours tu apa?
Him : TROLLS!
Me : ....... (continue singing)

Accepted. A relevant answer at his age, thank you TROLLS for this informal education.

What Colours Are Beautiful?

Pink was my favourite colour back then and I always chose pink for my clothing, accessories, gadgets and I even had asked my dad for a pink car but my request was rejected. I would have written "I hope you are in the pink of health" in most of my essays because I thought it was kind of cool and sweet that way. I have loved pink because of its colour. Pink caught my attention more than any other colours as my eyes perceived pink as attractive and I continued believing that pink is the most beautiful colour.

I started to realize that other colours are beautiful when I grew older or should I say wiser, haha! I have changed my colour preference gradually. I became more cautious on the selection of colours and began to avoid pinkish stuff when I came to work. I rarely wore pink during my practicum because I was uncomfortable with the softness of the colour while teaching. Pink is a soft colour and I needed more dominant colours to build my confidence in front of the students. Somehow colours play a significant role in building up my personality over time. Now I even love all colours whether it does not look stunning on the surface due to the fact that I believe in each colour's influence on me. 

I am a straightforward person and I always believe that all people are real people. I expect people to be who they are and not to be pretentious just for the sake to be accepted. Because you will not be less human if you show your true colours. In fact, on top of these battle of colours, I found that true colours are the most beautiful. You know how hard it is when you have to try to be nice to someone but you know deep inside you just can't be nice at all? I had a tough time during my college life dealing with this situation. Did I show my true colors to the one who hurt me the most? Yes, I did. Because I couldn't hide my inner feeling, I just can't. I couldn't imagine how can a person be so kind in front of you at the same time stabbing you from behind. How was the feeling? Was it that good? I had no idea and I didn't bother at all in fact I told this person to stay away from my life for real. Losing a fake friend is way better than keeping a real enemy. 

What I am trying to say here is; we should not hide our true self. Show our true colors. Be kind, be mad, be cautious, be bold, just be who you want to be. We are humans anyway. Feelings make us real. If you can't make someone happy, don't hurt them. If you can't help someone, don't burden them. If you can't accept someone, don't stay in their life. You have the right to choose how you want to live your life. As for me, I choose to be happy and whatever or whoever comes in my life just to refrain me from getting my happiness; he or she is most welcome to walk away from my life. Ohhh, why so serious? Haha!

Let's watch TROLLS and sing along! True colours are beautiful...

The end. Thank you! =)

Stress No More

I couldn't sleep well these past few nights and I thought it was nothing to worry about. I woke up in the morning and went for my routine as normal as it should be. Little that I knew that something was wrong with me until I felt like vomiting yesterday at work without any reason. Oh my! Am I pregnant?

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

I am just STRESS.

According to Richard S. Lazarus, stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize". In short, it's what we feel when we think we have lost control of events.

I am down with fever now. Itchy throat worsened it. I got two kids to take care of while Darling Hubby is away. My mom and my sister are unwell too. Work is killing me slowly but surely I guess. I can handle all of these until this evening I started to feel my body couldn't take it anymore. I have lost control =(

What should I do?

I rarely consult the doctor if I am unwell. I will try to avoid medication and consume more plain water daily. It took me about 3 weeks to fully recover on my own when I was sick months ago. But the impact? My sons will be affected as they are the ones closer to me and I am not going to let this happen. Again.

Solution : I will go to the clinic tomorrow and get the necessary medication. I wish for an MC but I know it is impossible; I am not dying anyway so stop acting like a baby. Haha..

Work pressure? Who doesn't feel it? In fact, I need pressure to keep me moving. Positive pressure grows me but negative pressure holds me back. I am a result-driven person and when things don't seem to go my way; I feel pressured.

Solution : Since I love what I am doing now (work), I let it pass and strengthen my self-belief system that everything happens for a reason and don't let those negativity surrounds my thoughts for too long. How? I talk to myself. Everyday. As often as I can. I want it to be stored directly into my conscious mind.

Stress is normal and our reactions will determine the level of its normality. If you feel so stressful; do something that you enjoy doing. As for me, I write.

Last but not least, I need a VACATION!

The end. Thank you! =)

A Birthday Shout-Out From Me To You

Happy birthday to the man of my life, I love you! 

Just so you know, Ilyas chose this card among others for you. When I asked him to write a note, he said he wanted to write Happy Birthday to Mama as well. He said birthday is meant for Mama even though August is a long way to go. So, let's celebrate your birthday together with me, shall we? =)

Thank you for being a wonderful Papa to Ilyas and Ikmal. I am so blessed to have you as my other half and looking forward for you to come back home! I want a gossip partner, haha!

p/s : You know how much we love you. Take care and see you soon, Darling Hubby!

The end. Thank you! =)

Heart Of A Giver

It was 4 in the morning. Quickly I grabbed my phone just to ensure no notification coming in. One missed call from my dad at 3.15am. Please, not now, please. Getting a missed call or even messages at this hour was not a good sign. Not at all to me. I phoned my dad back but no answer. I was worried and panicked. I tried to call my brother. No answer as well. I even called my sisters but negative. That was when I realized it was still early in the morning. Perhaps my dad had mistakenly dialed my number. I tried to sleep afterwards but my instinct had blocked my brain to continue resting. I looked at my boys. They were still in a deep sleep so I better checked on my e-mails, WhatsApp in case there was an urgent message. Then the WhatsApp message appeared from my dad after I turned the data on. GONE..

"Hang dah makan?" Her all-time favorite question. No matter how long we have not seen each other, the tenderness I feel when I am with her has never changed. So much love was given from the day I was born and never once I heard her yelling or screaming her voice out. Such a lovely lady she was and I am so honored to write a story about her today. This is a story about Atok; my late grandmother.

I could not remember how much tears running down my cheeks since the moment I received the WhatsApp message from my dad. My grandmother had just passed away. I was in a deep sorrow and it was heartbreaking knowing that I was late, too late to be there. On March 21st, my parents went back to Penang to visit Atok after we found out that she was unwell. I wanted to go too but I told myself that I will be spending more time during Hari Raya this year in Penang. March, April, May, June; 4 months to go. Still can wait, I thought. If things are getting worst, my dad will let me know earlier. But my thought had slipped away when the news came on my phone screen. My heart was broken into pieces of regret for not making an effort to visit Atok. No one to be blamed but me and only me.

Her loss affects me emotionally even though we were physically separated all this while by a distance as she was in Penang and I am in Johor and we only met once a year but that could not change the fact that I miss her so much until now. The kind of pain inside my heart which always left me with tears whenever she came across my mind. Since I was little, a month of school holidays spent in Penang was the most awaited moments in a year! My siblings and I were so excited and we did not bother about the absence of our parents for the whole month since we knew Atok will be there. She was kind, too kind for a human. She was funny and had a very high sense of humor. I love her companion, I love her cooking and I love everything about her.

I still remember after I went back from the grave, in the car I asked my dad, "Ayah rasa macam mana Tok Wan nanti lepas Atok tak ada?" Tok Wan is my grandfather; Atok's husband. My dad told me that Tok Wan must be really sad, even more depressed than us. I nodded with more tears pouring down and my dad said something which I will never ever forget;

Atok was a great person. Before she left, she sought for forgiveness from Tok Wan. Every single seconds left, she kept on reminding others to prepare the food for Tok Wan and everybody in the house since she was unable to do so. Always thinking of everyone else's even in a critical situation. Even until her very last breath, she never neglected her role as a wife and a mother and a grandmother. She is indeed a special person with full of love and kindness and I have so much respect for her due to every single thing that she gave. 

 Atok with baby Ikmal back in 2015

I have learned few valuable lessons from Atok;

• Forgiving and seek for forgiveness - To some people, forgiving is easy and to seek for forgiveness is the other way round. Depending on the situation, I believe both actions are worthwhile. As for me, I will open up my heart to seek for forgiveness once I am ready to forgive at the first place. Being able to forgive people on what they have done is very difficult to me. I need time to think, to evaluate, and to heal. But when I heard about what Atok did, I was touched and alarmed. I do not know how much time left for me in this world and to waste my time controlling my ego over forgiving and to seek for forgiveness is needless. I am adamant to be a forgiver as that is the real challenge for me now. But I know I can be one because I am already a forgiver at heart =)
• Stay contented with your role - Atok held her responsibility perfectly. She knew her role as a wife and highly concerned on her husband's welfare even though she was not fit to physically prepared the food for instance. Atok was a full-time housewife and her life was devoted to her husband since she was 14 years old. Taking care of her six children while Tok Wan was in the military and not to whine over the challenges had actually proven that nothing can beat a mother's sacrifice. I am currently playing multiple roles in my life as a servant of God, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, a house-keeper, a teacher and more to list down. It is impossible for me to be the perfect one but I will give my very best for each role. 
• Be kind - Kindness is not an option. Being kind will give you no harm in fact it attracts more kindness in return. We can change a lot of things with kindness. Kindness allows positive outcomes and never ever doubt the impact it has in our life.

It has been almost two months after Atok passed away. She will never ever be forgotten, I swear. I pray that Allah will grant her heaven with His mercy and last but not least, I love you, Atok. Al-Fatihah..

The end. Thank you! =)

To Be Continued...

I am having this writer's block since months ago. I could not think on what to write and when to start. Being too occupied during the day had drained my brain function to start writing. The title was there but zero content thus far. I have been logged in and logged out from my blog couple of times a day but still no result. This is not good, totally not. I need to read more; in order to get rid of this writer's block. Hence, this book comes in!

I am so in love with this book!

According to Jeff Goins, reading can eliminate writer's block. Once I am done with this book, I will start writing. I will. Hope so. I am determined. So, to be continued..

The end. Thank you! =)

A New Chapter Begins

2017 promises thousands of challenges, experiences, excitements and of course surprises to all of us. As for me, 2017 is a year for adventuring more realities; work, families and relationships. Three vital elements with different responsibilities to carry on; I believe by preparing myself with effective tools will help me to go through 2017 in a good way.

#EffectiveTools1 - Books

Reading BOOKS in the context of papers and not the paperless faceBOOK is a powerful habit which is hardly seen among us nowadays. In fact, I myself could not remember when was the last time I really read a book until The End. Having myself too attached to the gadget has actually lessen the way I perceive the world by reading books. Darling Hubby bought a few books last year and deep inside I admire his interest in different genre of books. But me, on the other side is very selective with my reading preference. No wonder Darling Hubby is very critical with his thinking which at times I wish I can be the same but yeah, that is why he compliments me. 

I want to be a better me and in order to achieve more this year, I am planning to read at least 4 books from different genre i.e. i) novel from the latest Ramlee Awang Murshid - I need something thrilling this year; ii) retail or real estate readings which highlights the important or fundamental elements of the industry; iii) business or entrepreneur kind of reading (for beginners) as I need to be equipped with more knowledge in this field by end of 2017; and iv) parenting book. I already have no. (i) and (iv) on the book shelf waiting to be read so now what I need to do is to focus on the time frame so that I can accomplish my target.

#EffectiveTools2 - Circle of Friends

Friends can be those who know you from A to Z; or those who do not really know you but still bring an impact in your life. I have different circle of friends back in my schooling and working years. I realize that my life has turned 360 degree once I become a mother. A lot of things which I enjoyed doing with my friends had to be put on hold due to my current status as a mother and a long distance hubby-wifey relationship. I never expected that I will be in this kind of situation whereby the circle of friends became much smaller and those friends who have the A to Z details about me seems more distance physically. I could not attend special occasions with my friends if Darling Hubby is not around. To bring along my precious sons out without Darling Hubby is quite burdensome and I will try to avoid taking the risks; for safety reason. 

However, I can still cherish my relationships with my friends by using social media as one of the platforms to strengthen the bond. Wishing them all happiness on their special days; comforting them with positive words; even by liking their posts on Facebook is the least that I can do but still it is the thought that counts. Thanks to Facebook and WhatsApp for this. Being surrounded by friends (true friends) can be such a great deal and whenever I got the chance to do so (physically or virtually); I will not let the moments go. So, appreciate your friends and never give up on thinking about them because your life is more meaningful when they are around.

    

#EffectiveTools3 - Lifestyle

I am 30 already! I am now a Master of my own self. I know myself better and with that, I am deciding to make some changes in my lifestyle this year. To begin with, let's start with the food intake. I am planning to cook on my own; to prepare for my breakfast and if possible lunch box as well. This will minimize my time thinking of what to have for lunch. Hehe.. Since Ilyas has started schooling this year, I will definitely try to equip him with Mama's cooking everyday. Thanks to the oven bought last year; I got the opportunity to experience many exciting moments of cooking! More recipes to explore here - http://bit.ly/bfcomtasty. Next, I want to have more physical activities with my boys this year. I am still learning several steps on physical fitness from Youtube and hopefully I can apply those exercises with them everyday; lighter exercise on weekdays and heavy steps during weekends. And I want to start again my walkabouts routine at work (at least 20 minutes a day). Being fit; that is my target!

Basically, food and exercise are the main things that I would like to change first. These two factors are achievable provided I am committed to what I am targeting. I want to start with small things which can bring out great results. An inspiring quotes from my Darling Hubby;

"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way"         

                                - Mohd Hafiz bin Mohamed Esa (2016)

I guess the above are not that hard to accomplish and they are achievable. I am hoping this year will be more exciting and looking forward to the results of these #EffectiveTools! Wish me luck, guys! Welcome 2017!

The end. Thank you! =)