Thursday, 17 September 2015

HIM Whom I Love

I wanted to write an entry for him, especially for him yesterday. I would like him to know how grateful I am to finally welcome him to this world. But due to time constraint, I can only make it up today. A meaningful story of him.. 

It was a year ago, 16/09/2014;

It was 12 midnight and Ilyas was sleeping soundly beside me while I had to bear with the pain in my stomachI had stomach cramp since Maghrib. I couldn't move a lot and I have decided to lay down and took a nap while waiting for Darling Hubby to come back home. Will it be today? At this hour? Darling Hubby told me to get ready to the hospital. I said I need more time to finish reading this zikir book given by my mother when I was first pregnant with Ilyas. This book is really helpful to keep me calm and feel at ease during contractions. After I kissed Ilyas and asked for my parents' forgiveness, I went straight away to the hospital with the contractions felt in every 10 minutes.

I have already dilated at 4cm when I reached the hospital. At 6cm, I was moved to the labour room and it was 4 in the morning. I was lucky because Darling Hubby was with me all the time. The contractions became more stronger and this time I couldn't keep calm because the Doctor said I need to wait until 10cm dilated but I couldn't wait for more than 10 seconds! I had to endure the pain in order to avoid any inconvenience due to my health problem. I kept on asking the Nurse, "Boleh saya push sekarang? Saya rasa dah nak bersalin ni". She might get annoyed with me but I couldn't help it, sorry.. With Bismillah and Selawat, she assisted me really well and after fourth time pushing, he made his first appearance in front of Darling Hubby and I. Alhamdulillah..

"He is a strong boy"

That was the first thing that I had in mind while touching his bare face. I couldn't describe the feeling in words but enough to say that he has a look which can melt my heart and make me cry

Muhammad Ikmal Hakimi at 1 day old =)

Giving birth to him was a real challenge and the experience I had with him in the hospital was dramatically mournful. I tried not to recall the memories of us in the hospital as it has a big and negative impact to me emotionally, to be specific. As a mother, I want only the best for my baby. What happened back then was beyond my expectation and I pray that Allah will keep those memories away from him.

"He is a survivor"

His jaundice level was inconsistent and on Day 7 of his life, he went through a phototheraphy treatment. He was warded in the evening and I told the Doctor that I wanted to accompany him but all babies need to stay at their cot during the treatment and I was advised not to hold onto him too often except for feeding session only. That night before I went home, I looked and stayed with him beside his cot. He cried, I clearly heard his voice but I couldn't hold him. It was too painful for me seeing him like that but Darling Hubby said I have to let it be so that he will recover soon. I could only pray that Allah will protect my baby and before I left, I spoke to one of the Nurse, "Tolong jaga anak saya ye, terima kasih banyak2 tolong tengok kan dia". I was so clueless and cried all the way back home. I couldn't sleep well, I woke up and pumped as much as I can. I need to supply enough milk to my baby as I didn't want the Nurse to feed him with formula milk without my consent. Alhamdulillah, the next day he was discharged..

"He is healthy and happy"

Knowing his struggles since the day he was born, I promise myself that I have to pay extra care on his well being. He is easily amused and it is not difficult to make him laugh or smile. He started solids at 6 months old and his favourite meal is chicken porridge! I have seen him eating various kind of solids but when it comes to chicken meals, he will open his mouth wider than usual. He loves playing with his brother Ilyas and his sister Iman. Even though he looks bigger at his age, he has a soft heart and easily pour his tears out whenever he feels threatened or insecure (most babies do, right?). Every time I see the smile on his face, it will slowly erased the moments when I saw him cried at the cot waiting for someone to hold him up. Now he doesn't have to worry about being left out alone as I will be with him as long as I can be.

"He is a clingy boy"

I have the intention of breastfeeding him until he weans off himself. Like his brother, Ilyas weaned off when he was 18 months old and already started formula milk at 9 months old. Whilst for him, he is still breastfeeding and refused formula as far as I am aware of. Maybe that is one of the reasons of him being clingy to his Mama? So far, I had once left him at night due to my working schedule that I had to be out of town for a day only. He passed the day without formula milk and I realize the needs is still there and I will never give up on supplying the milk for him. Clingy boy is already 1 year old and I am happy that he is still clingy to me even though at times being clingy is intolerable, haha!

My Dear Ikmal Hakimi,
For having you in my life has given a wonderful strengths and spirits for me to continuously provide the best for you and our family as a whole. Your presence is very much treasured by all of us and we will never be this happy without you coming into the picture. You captured my eyes the first time I saw you and I hope my eyes won't forget how beautiful you are since the day you were born and after a year, now you have grown up to be such a happy and adorable baby of mine. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart because of you, I know how does it feel being left out alone; I understand the fear of not having anyone to cling onto; and I truly believe that what you have encountered all this while are meant to mold you to be someone powerful in the future, In Sha Allah. I pray for your happiness, wealth and success and whoever you wanna be, make sure you chose to be the one who put Allah as your utmost priority over anything else in this world. Happy birthday, baby! 
                                            Love You Forever, Mama, 17/09/2016, 5.00pm

The end. Thank you! =)

Monday, 14 September 2015

Leaving August Feelingly

August has gone leaving me with a full package of feelings! The mixture of positive and negative feelings which made my days more momentous from day one till the end. People will normally prefer good news to be heard prior to bad news. As for me, either good or bad since it is a news, just bring it on! *I have to be mentally prepared for having this kind of statement*. Haha! Okay, moving on to the subject for today's entry i.e. feelings. So, good or bad feelings first? 

#1 - Frustration

This only happens when Hari Raya fell in the middle of the month. Salary was credited earlier for the celebration and of course the amount spent along the way was unexpected even though there is always a contingency savings. I might have miscalculated on the budget but since we celebrated Aidilfitri once a year, I took it as a lesson learnt to be more critical on the budgeting. But seriously, where had the money gone to? Need to survive for another six weeks, huuu frust frust frust... 

#2 - Happy

Of course August is a happy month for me. Lots of memorable things happened this month. Ilyas's birthday was on the 11th and mine was on 30th and lucky me 31st is Malaysia National Day and it fell on Monday the most unwanted day among the weekdays. A long holiday with Darling Hubby and beloved ones around, nothing is more happening than that. Thanks for all the love, guys!

#3 - Anger

If there is a really specific class for Anger Management, I would really love to enroll myself in. I do not know how to control my anger especially when things went haywire but all I have with me is myself and the kids unfortunately. The scenario always happened when Darling Hubby was not around. The kids had drastically tested my patience level and the Tarzan within me will come out naturally because they asked for it. Ilyas called me as Kak Ros in Upin Ipin as he said "Mama garahhh (garang)". How can I not be garah if you made me naik darah? I couldn't leave Ilyas with Ikmal without supervision not because that I am afraid Ikmal will fall here and there but I am sure he will get punched by Ilyas. Why? Because this little brother always wanted to play along with his big brother but the big brother has his own preference while playing with the toys. "Mama, jangan langgar car ni dah susun dah. Kan dah gerak ni!" --> not even an inch okay. The problem was he placed all the toys on the floor so obviously Ikmal can easily grabbed it while crawling. I couldn't bathe at peace as Ikmal's cries is ear-soring not only to my ears but to our neighbours' as well.

#4 - Indecisive

This is one negative feeling which is really hard for me to avoid. Being indecisive is troublesome especially when the situation demands you to be the decision maker. This is the favourite question asked by my colleagues when the clock ticks at 1pm. "Eh, makan mana?". Even when we were already in the car, even at the junction to two different destinations, the decision has yet to be made! Normally 10 to 15 minutes will be wasted on the route just to get the final decision for lunch! 

#5 - Whateverrrr...

Remember in my last entry that I was so excited to bring my kids out for birthday celebration since Darling Hubby was home? But due to unforeseen circumstances, the plan had to be cancelled. I called this as a whateverr feeling, haha! You have started your day with positive vibes, had various feelings all day long but at the end of the day you will look into yourself at the mirror, while brushing your teeth before sleep with the thought of what actually happened today that made my day huh(?) and how tomorrow will be ya(?) yet today has not gone yet. So, hmmm yeaahhh, whateverr...

My superheroes captured in a mixed feelings =)

Alhamdulillah, I have managed to sum up my August month even though this entry came a bit late but the appreciation that I have for this month is optional

The end. Thank you! =)

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Brotherhood Begins At 3 =)

Happiest birthday to you, Muhammad Ilyas Hidayat! 

Alhamdulillah, you turn 3 today and all the best prayers to you, baby!

Ilyas is the first gift from Allah for me to be declared as a mother. So, Happy Mother's Day to me! Three years of amazing experiences raising him and I am still counting on every single days to watch him grow and how I wish that time won't swiftly pass without him knowing how special, important and valuable he is to me.

At the age of 3, Ilyas has a 1 year old little brother to share his childhood journey with. I am overly concerned with his readiness of not being the only one when his brother was born last year. It took him almost a year to adapt himself with the situation as a big brother and recently he gradually showed the brotherly side of him.

From what I have noticed, he reserves himself from showing too much love and care towards his brother when we give more attention to his brother. But when everyone is watching him, he will act like the most loving brother on earth! Well, he is still the all-time Attention Seeker! After all, he is the first grandchild and nephew from both Darling Hubby's and my side. No wonder he acts those ways, huh? 

Another thing that I realize is the brotherhood bonding that both of Ilyas and Ikmal have is priceless. There were several times that I had to separate them due to unforeseen issues. Even for a day, I can see from both Ikmal's eyes on how he missed his brother's presence. And Ilyas on the other part will be too overwhelmed when he finally met his brother at the end of the day. The smile on his face reflects his true feeling and I can feel how deep is his love towards his brother.

Together they fought, they laughed, they cried and all those moments has created a stronger bonding in their relationship.

I have this thought of loving quotient which I always share with Darling Hubby:

"Regardless how many kids that I have (will have), each of them deserves to be loved in every single ways. As a mother, nothing can replace my love towards my kids and how I show my love is determined by myself and not others. Each of my babies gives different experiences and challenges to me thus the way I express my love will not be the same to all of them. I believe in my instinct as a mother. This instinct is granted by Allah the Creator and whenever I feel like in doubt of my actions towards my kids, I will talk to myself and seek for Allah's guidance in showing me the right ways to love them".

I am blessed with two little angels at the moment and hoping for more angels to come but not that soon, haha! Need to buy bigger bed so that all of us can fit together in one bed sharing our own sweet dreams.

Waiting for the end month to celebrate his birthday with Darling Hubby by our side! Weehuuu!!

The end. Thank you! =)

Friday, 2 January 2015

2014 In Memory

My life has changed in a very own special way years by years. It is now January 2015 and I am delighted that 2014 has its joyful remarks in my lifeThis entry recaps some of my experiences as a mother of two. It is a magnificent journey ever which I am so thankful that Allah has granted me with the strength and patience to go through this stage satisfactorily. 

Welcome to the world, son! =)

  • I have gained more knowledge about breastfeeding; 

Talking about breastfeeding for me is a very essential and sensitive topic. My first son was breastfed until his 18 months of age and sadly preferred formula milk over frozen EBM when I started working when he was 9 months old. Since I was not working at that time, I have not tried to feed him with bottle at his early age and that was the main point of my breastfeeding lesson. 

#BFLesson1 - Start bottle feeding at the early weeks of birth

Since I only have two months of maternity leave, I have struggled to train my second baby with bottle feeding and even bought a few teats to suit his preference. It was depressing looking at your baby reluctantly sucked the milk from the bottle in which at the end of the day I will surrender and fed him directly. I was totally wrong!

#BFLesson2 - Be firm with your decision to bottle feeding

I am not saying bottle feeding is better than direct feeding but for working moms, yes it is a better approach of feeding. How to train your baby if you are a freshie Mama like me? Even though I have two kids but the way my first and second baby are fed is totally different. From my point of view, the most important thing is for the mother to be firm and strong enough to accept the fact that 24/7 direct feeding is valid only during confinement period. How about to convince a person who is not that tough to handle separation from her baby like me?

#BFLesson3 - Support me, please?

The support given by your spouse and family members is what you need. From my experience, my baby will refuse to drink from the bottle when I am the one who feeds him. Yes, the smell of the mother is way irresistible than the milk, I guess haha! So, here comes Darling Hubby into the picture. Husband, parents, siblings, in laws, relatives, friends or even community members have their roles to play in providing moral support. We, the mothers are very emotional especially during confinement period *serious tone inserted*. Even by hearing people talking about the way your baby is behaving sometimes might taken it to your heart. Thus, please lend a hand to feed the baby with bottle as this will help to train the baby with bottle feeding and also to get used to the smell of others during feeding time.

#BFLesson4 - Pump it, pump it!

Please, empty your breasts as often as you can. The reason is to ensure the milk supply is enough for your baby. If you feel that you have done pumping but the milk does not flow as you wish, try to monitor your meals intake. Drink more water, it helps. But the unforgettable part is of course, your Dua as a mother =)

#BFLesson5 - Seek for Allah's mercy in your Dua  

  • I have learned that health is a no-kidding issue;

My little hero was diagnosed with jaundice at day 3 of his life. But this time, the bilirubin level was inconsistent and higher than his brother's reading. Some of the doctors at Klinik Kesihatan did not take this issue seriously. At day 7, the reading went up from 11 to 16. But I was only advised by Doctor1 to continue breast feeding as usual and to wake the baby up for feeding every hour. The next day, when Doctor2 checked on my baby, she immediately wrote a letter to the General Hospital for my baby to get phototheraphy treatment. I was shocked as yesterday when the level was at 16, no letter was issued by Doctor1. I even get scolded by Doctor2 for not being concerned of my baby's health. Oh now the blame was on me, screw you Doctor1!

#HealthLesson1 - Always seek for second opinion on your baby's health

I was lucky to get a 5 days of massage. It helped me a lot in gaining my strength back after delivering my baby. Due to the jaundice issue, I had to go to the clinic almost everyday where at the same time I had to minimize walking due to the stitches. It was painful especially when I tried to move a bit fast. I had a bad experience with my first time delivering and did not pay much attention on getting a proper massage. But now I realize the importance of it and to be exact; to get an expert maternity masseur. Alhamdulillah, I managed to get one and it helped me to run a few errands with three kids at a time. Seriously, being fit should be the first thing in your post-natal checklist.

#HealthLesson2 - Physical fitness, checked!

Meet my munchkins from left; Ilyas Hidayat - Iman Rania - Ikmal Hakimi

As for an O+ blood type Mama, the tendency for my baby to get jaundice is very prominent, I knew it but I did not know it might also caused by the umbilical cord's infection. How did it happen? Ocay, remember when you were asked to clean the umbilical cord with the antiseptic liquid? I have been using it each time during nappy change without failed. I will make sure that the area was dry to avoid any infections. Still a very poor improvement of my son's bilirubin level after 14 days. Why, why and why? Finally I got the answer from Doctor3. She claimed that although the area was kept dry at the first place, the cleanliness of the skin should be closely monitored as well. She taught me on how to clean the area correctly by using cotton buds (as the picture below). It does not hurt your baby, do not worry =)

 #HealthLesson3 - Knowing the right way to clean the umbilical area is a must!

Apart from the baby's health, mom's health should be taken care of as well. It happened to me on my 40 days of confinement. Being excited to wear the bengkung on my own, I had mistakenly tied the bengkung and my nerves was badly affected. I was down with fever and urine infection for a week. I took two liter of plain water per day, cranberries juice and barley extract but it did not cure the pain thus I decided to seek for medical advice and the doctor gave me antibiotics and Alhamdulillah it worked for me.

#HealthLesson4 - Wear bengkung with the help of others

  • I have found that losing weight is so demanding!
During my first pregnancy, I could get back to shape easily. But now, to get the body figure that I have always wanted requires a high level of discipline. For me, this is the most challenging part after delivering a baby. Not to mention the stretch mark but the fats could not be hidden anymore. I do not want to cut on my diets as I am still breast feeding my baby and wearing bengkung restricts my movements. What should I do? A few tips which is efficient to be practiced for a lazy me:

  1. Squeeze the lime juice together with kapur sirih and rub the paste on the stomach.
  2. Wear bengkung at night.
  3. Drink 3 liter of plain water daily.
  4. Do sit up exercise early in the morning.
  5. Use the deep heat lotion; Mustajab
  6. Discipline yourself to apply all of the tips. Period.

I have not listed anything for this new year resolution. Let this picture tells everything that I wish for.

Happy New Year!

The end. Thank you! =)