Thursday, 17 September 2015

HIM Whom I Love

I wanted to write an entry for him, especially for him yesterday. I would like him to know how grateful I am to finally welcome him to this world. But due to time constraint, I can only make it up today. A meaningful story of him.. 

It was a year ago, 16/09/2014;

It was 12 midnight and Ilyas was sleeping soundly beside me while I had to bear with the pain in my stomachI had stomach cramp since Maghrib. I couldn't move a lot and I have decided to lay down and took a nap while waiting for Darling Hubby to come back home. Will it be today? At this hour? Darling Hubby told me to get ready to the hospital. I said I need more time to finish reading this zikir book given by my mother when I was first pregnant with Ilyas. This book is really helpful to keep me calm and feel at ease during contractions. After I kissed Ilyas and asked for my parents' forgiveness, I went straight away to the hospital with the contractions felt in every 10 minutes.

I have already dilated at 4cm when I reached the hospital. At 6cm, I was moved to the labour room and it was 4 in the morning. I was lucky because Darling Hubby was with me all the time. The contractions became more stronger and this time I couldn't keep calm because the Doctor said I need to wait until 10cm dilated but I couldn't wait for more than 10 seconds! I had to endure the pain in order to avoid any inconvenience due to my health problem. I kept on asking the Nurse, "Boleh saya push sekarang? Saya rasa dah nak bersalin ni". She might get annoyed with me but I couldn't help it, sorry.. With Bismillah and Selawat, she assisted me really well and after fourth time pushing, he made his first appearance in front of Darling Hubby and I. Alhamdulillah..

"He is a strong boy"

That was the first thing that I had in mind while touching his bare face. I couldn't describe the feeling in words but enough to say that he has a look which can melt my heart and make me cry

Muhammad Ikmal Hakimi at 1 day old =)

Giving birth to him was a real challenge and the experience I had with him in the hospital was dramatically mournful. I tried not to recall the memories of us in the hospital as it has a big and negative impact to me emotionally, to be specific. As a mother, I want only the best for my baby. What happened back then was beyond my expectation and I pray that Allah will keep those memories away from him.

"He is a survivor"

His jaundice level was inconsistent and on Day 7 of his life, he went through a phototheraphy treatment. He was warded in the evening and I told the Doctor that I wanted to accompany him but all babies need to stay at their cot during the treatment and I was advised not to hold onto him too often except for feeding session only. That night before I went home, I looked and stayed with him beside his cot. He cried, I clearly heard his voice but I couldn't hold him. It was too painful for me seeing him like that but Darling Hubby said I have to let it be so that he will recover soon. I could only pray that Allah will protect my baby and before I left, I spoke to one of the Nurse, "Tolong jaga anak saya ye, terima kasih banyak2 tolong tengok kan dia". I was so clueless and cried all the way back home. I couldn't sleep well, I woke up and pumped as much as I can. I need to supply enough milk to my baby as I didn't want the Nurse to feed him with formula milk without my consent. Alhamdulillah, the next day he was discharged..

"He is healthy and happy"

Knowing his struggles since the day he was born, I promise myself that I have to pay extra care on his well being. He is easily amused and it is not difficult to make him laugh or smile. He started solids at 6 months old and his favourite meal is chicken porridge! I have seen him eating various kind of solids but when it comes to chicken meals, he will open his mouth wider than usual. He loves playing with his brother Ilyas and his sister Iman. Even though he looks bigger at his age, he has a soft heart and easily pour his tears out whenever he feels threatened or insecure (most babies do, right?). Every time I see the smile on his face, it will slowly erased the moments when I saw him cried at the cot waiting for someone to hold him up. Now he doesn't have to worry about being left out alone as I will be with him as long as I can be.

"He is a clingy boy"

I have the intention of breastfeeding him until he weans off himself. Like his brother, Ilyas weaned off when he was 18 months old and already started formula milk at 9 months old. Whilst for him, he is still breastfeeding and refused formula as far as I am aware of. Maybe that is one of the reasons of him being clingy to his Mama? So far, I had once left him at night due to my working schedule that I had to be out of town for a day only. He passed the day without formula milk and I realize the needs is still there and I will never give up on supplying the milk for him. Clingy boy is already 1 year old and I am happy that he is still clingy to me even though at times being clingy is intolerable, haha!

My Dear Ikmal Hakimi,
For having you in my life has given a wonderful strengths and spirits for me to continuously provide the best for you and our family as a whole. Your presence is very much treasured by all of us and we will never be this happy without you coming into the picture. You captured my eyes the first time I saw you and I hope my eyes won't forget how beautiful you are since the day you were born and after a year, now you have grown up to be such a happy and adorable baby of mine. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart because of you, I know how does it feel being left out alone; I understand the fear of not having anyone to cling onto; and I truly believe that what you have encountered all this while are meant to mold you to be someone powerful in the future, In Sha Allah. I pray for your happiness, wealth and success and whoever you wanna be, make sure you chose to be the one who put Allah as your utmost priority over anything else in this world. Happy birthday, baby! 
                                            Love You Forever, Mama, 17/09/2016, 5.00pm

The end. Thank you! =)

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